Biblical marriage is a beautiful thing. But couples who want to experience its beauty and taste its goodness must examine what the scriptures teach about it, and then pursue obedience to what they learn. A satisfying marriage requires effort and sacrifice.

Biblical Marriage is for Fellowship

Genesis describes God’s creation of marriage. Every part of the description gives dignity to marriage.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Just as God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are in fellowship, God designed us to be social. We were made for conversation. We were created for intimacy and fellowship. God said that being alone is not good!

God took a rib from the man and made it into a beautiful woman, another person—equally made in God’s image, equal in value, but different in design—who completed the man. She “is brought with special honor to the man as the Creator’s last and most perfect work.”[1]

Marriage is to be a joyful union.

When Adam said, “This at last is bone of my bones” (Genesis 2:23) he was expressing respect and delight. Adam didn’t say, “Finally, a slave! Now I have someone to do my laundry, cook my food, massage my back, and do my chores!” No, Adam said, “At last, a helper who completes me!”

Marriage is to be a union of equals.

...a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18).

God designed woman to perfectly match and complete man.

Matthew Henry reminds us, “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”[2] Woman was neither inferior nor superior to man, but was comparable to him.

Marriage is to be a covenant union.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Strong marriages don’t depend upon constant romantic feelings (feelings are not constant), or pleasure, (though healthy marriages bring joy), or personal fulfillment (though strong marriages are fulfilling). The wonderful benefits of marriage do not cause a strong marriage; they are the result of a strong marriage. Marriage is established on the unshakable foundation of covenant—one man and one woman exclusively committed to one another for life.

Marriage is to be a transparent, trusting, accepting relationship—“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Because sin had not yet corrupted the innocence of the first couple, their marriage was without judgment, without shame, and without fear. The New Testament tells us, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).

A strong marriage does not exist where there is insecurity, distrust, suspicion, or fear, where spouses are not sure of one another’s commitment to the marriage. Strong marriages require a promise that ends only when one spouse dies (Romans 7:1-2).

God’s intention is that marriage be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman (Matthew 19:3-6). Paul said that believers are not under bondage when their unbelieving spouses separate from them (1 Corinthians 7:15), but a believer should not seek separation from an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16). Paul had previously written that the Lord said the same: believers are not to choose to leave/separate from their spouses, but if they do, they must not marry someone else (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:9).

Covenant love is self-giving, respectful, and beautifying even when the relationship is difficult (1 Corinthians 13). Weak commitment produces tentative effort, emotional disconnection, withdrawal, and temptation.

A husband is living out covenantal love when he never gives up on his bride even when she is unresponsive or disrespectful or sick. A wife is living out covenantal love when she chooses to respect and obey her husband, for Christ’s sake, even when her husband isn’t loving her.

His love wins her respect, and her respect wins his love. And they continue to grow!

► What problems result if people marry while thinking that they can change their decision later if they are unhappy with the marriage? What difference does total commitment make when a person believes that his marriage is permanent?

Biblical Marriage is the Place for Sexual Fulfillment and Procreation

God made sex fully enjoyable and uniquely powerful. It is an act intended to bring oneness physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A healthy sex life is not only exhilarating and brings oneness, it nourishes the marriage relationship. For those who want to follow the biblical sexual ethic, sex is a gift of God given to be fully enjoyed within marriage.[3]

► Students should read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and Hebrews 13:4 for the group.

The verses in 1 Corinthians tell us that one purpose of marriage is to satisfy sexual desires. The husband and wife have given themselves to each other and have given up their claim of ownership of their own bodies. That means that a married person should not expect to engage in sex only when he chooses but should also be responsive to the desires of the spouse. The verses do not tell us that a person can demand satisfaction against the will of the spouse. Instead, the verses are telling each to be responsive to the needs of the other.

This passage tells us that married people should not deprive each other of this privilege. A short time of sexual abstinence along with fasting is legitimate, but prolonged separation will cause temptation because of unsatisfied desires. Sometimes couples choose to be separated for several months or longer because one goes to work or study in a distant place. Before making such a decision, they should consider whether or not such a plan fits the plan of God. They may suffer problems because of the long separation.

Some people prefer to follow a lifestyle that does not include children, but the Bible teaches that God is pleased when parents have godly children (Malachi 2:15). It’s important to note that it is not reproduction alone that God wants, but godly children. Parents are called by God to teach their children to follow Christ.

Biblical Marriage is for Christ

► Students should read 1 Peter 3:1-7 and Ephesians 5:22-33 for the group. The group should keep these passages open for examination during this discussion.

In Ephesians 5:30-32, the Holy Spirit reveals the deeper meaning of marriage, hidden until Jesus came. Marriage is an earthly picture—a reflection—of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his church.

Paul begins this section by exhorting believers to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). It is in this context that he offers the following instruction on marriage.

The Spirit-filled bride will submit to her groom (her “head”) in the Lord, in the same way that believers submit to Jesus (Ephesians 5:24, 32; see also 1 Peter 3:1). This is the way she shows respect to Jesus and to her husband. The wife is supposed to accept the leadership of her husband even if the husband is not a believer. If she does this, her unsaved husband is more likely to become a believer.

It is important for every wife to have the Lord in mind in her submission. It is to him and for him that she submits and not just for her husband. Her eye is on Jesus, who alone is without fault. A wife’s willing submission to her husband is an act of worship to Jesus.

Biblical submission, like love, cannot be forced. Biblical submission is a gift which wives offer their husbands out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). Submission in everything is an act of worship to Jesus.[4]

The submission of a wife to her husband is an act of respect (Ephesians 5:33) for him, as part of the Spirit-filled life (Ephesians 5:18-21). This honor coming from a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:4).

The Spirit-filled groom will love his bride as Jesus loves his church (Ephesians 5:25). The groom must love her as he loves his own body (Ephesians 5:28-29). He must manifest the same Spirit-filled self-sacrifice as Jesus manifested toward his church when he gave Himself up for her. This is his act of submission to God (Ephesians 5:21). One commentator put it like this:

As he (Jesus) gave himself to suffer on the cross to save the church, so we are to be willing to deny ourselves and to bear [hard work and difficulties], that we may promote the happiness of the wife. It is the duty of the husband to [work diligently] for her support; to provide for her needs; to deny himself of rest and ease, if necessary, in order to attend on her in sickness; to go before her in danger; to defend her if she is in [a dangerous situation]; to bear with her when she is irritable; to cling to her when she is pushing him away; to pray with her when she is in spiritual trouble; and to be ready to die to save her. Why should this not be? If they are shipwrecked, and there is a single plank on which safety can be secured, should he not be willing to place her on that, and see her safe at all hazards to himself? But there is more… a husband should feel that it should be the one great object of his life to seek the salvation of his wife. He is to furnish her all that she may need for her soul… And he is to set the example; to counsel her if she needs counsel; and to make the path of salvation as easy for her as possible. If a husband has the Spirit and self-denial of the Savior, he will regard no sacrifice too great if he may promote the salvation of his family.[5]

The groom is to seek the purity of his bride just as Christ purified his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:26-27).

1 Peter 3:7 says that a husband should live with his wife in an understanding way, meaning that he is to do his best to understand her. He should study her in order to understand her needs. The woman is called “the weaker vessel” in this verse. A wife needs consideration from her husband. He should protect her not only from physical harm but also from worry and emotional stress.

The husband is to provide every means necessary for the flourishing of his wife: faithfulness, unconditional love, understanding, prayer, counsel, teaching, and kindness.

When the husband treats his wife with such love, he will be repaid with happiness. Paul says, “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). Husbands who love their wives in this self-sacrificing way will be more than repaid by the Lord, and most likely by the respect, affection, and faithfulness of his wife.

► What are specific things a husband should do to provide spiritual support to his wife?

It is important to remember how the commands in these verses are given. The husband is not told to enforce authority over his wife. The wife is told to obey her husband, but the husband is not told to make her obey. He is told to love his wife and sacrifice as necessary to take care of her. Likewise, the wife is not told to demand care from her husband; she is told to respect him.

The priority of the husband should not be to maintain his authority but to provide loving care. The priority of the wife should not be to demand care for herself but to respect her husband.

Apostle Peter warns the husband that his prayers will be hindered if he does not care for his wife properly. From the words of Paul and Peter we can see that a man who does not care for his wife as he should does not love God as he should. A woman who does not respect her husband does not respect God as she should. Our behavior in marriage affects our relationship with God.

[1]Charles Ellicot, ed., Ellicot’s Commentary for English Readers. (Notes on Genesis 2:22). Retrieved from https://biblehub.com/genesis/2-22.htm#commentary on December 29, 2020.

[2]Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible. (Notes on Genesis 2:21-25). Retrieved from https://studylight.org/commentaries/eng/mhm/genesis-2.html on July 31, 2023.

[3]“Spiritual Health and Porn Addiction,” retrieved from
https://thefreedomfight.org/health/porn-addiction-and-spiritual-health/ on July 31, 2023.

[4]For further exploration of the topic of biblical submission, see Lesson 10 of Spiritual Formation, available from Shepherds Global Classroom.

[5]Albert Barnes, Barnes' Notes on the Whole Bible. (Notes on Ephesians 5:25). Retrieved from https://studylight.org/commentaries/eng/bnb/ephesians-5.html on July 31, 2023.