Lesson 4: Issues of Sexuality

By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Describe how the Fall affected human nature and sexual desires.

(2) Explain personal identity and how it relates to personal ethics.

(3) Embrace a biblical perspective towards human sexuality and sexual immorality.

(4) Find freedom from sin and experience victory during temptation to immorality.

(5) Be equipped to minister to others who need help and victory.

Christopher grew up in an Asian-American family in the United States. From the time that he was an adolescent he felt attracted to men instead of women. His parents were shocked and ashamed of their son’s interest. As a young adult he was in a series of relationships with men. He hoped to find real love and commitment, but each relationship eventually failed. He began to carelessly have immoral relations with many men. Everything began to change for Christopher when his mother became a believer and showed him love and acceptance that he had never experienced before. He began to realize that his primary identity is a person in God’s image. He repented and submitted all of the aspects of his life to God. He found fulfillment and purpose in his relationship with God.

When God created Adam and Eve, he made them perfect in every way, without defect or deficiency (Genesis 1:31). Their natures only desired what was right and good. Their minds and bodies functioned perfectly. Then Adam chose to disobey God’s commandment. When he did, human nature became corrupted (Romans 8:20-23). Human bodies and minds were affected. Even the healthiest, most intelligent person is affected by sin’s results. Sin permanently damaged what had been perfect. None of Creation will be fully healed until Christ returns (1 Corinthians 15).

With the damage that has been done to our human nature and physical bodies, we should not expect that our bodies’ natural desires will always be right and in balance. The fact is that many of our desires are out of balance. People naturally desire what is wrong. Jesus observed the natural sinfulness of humanity when he listed all kinds of sins that come from the heart (Mark 7:21-22).

In this lesson, we are talking about issues of sexuality. Of all human desires, sexual desires can be the most powerful.

Wrong sexual desires seem natural to the person who feels them. He may think that he should not be blamed for acting out his desires. However, every person has to resist his natural inclinations in order to do right. A person may have the natural inclination to lie or steal, or be violent, lazy, or impatient. People are not responsible for being born in a defective condition, but people are guilty when they follow natural desires and commit sin.

Sometimes childhood abuse or other environmental conditions cause a person to struggle with homosexual impulses or other wrong sexual urges. However, wrong sexual desires should not be considered different from other sinful desires. The person needs the same grace for deliverance and cleansing from God, whatever causes were involved.

The fact that wrong desires feel normal to some people should not be surprising. Sin in general feels normal and natural to the person who experiences the desire for sin.

We are by nature the children of wrath (Ephesians 2:3). That means we are naturally inclined to sin, and we bring ourselves into condemnation by committing the sin that is natural to us. The fact that a person is born with a particular sinful inclination does not mean that it should be followed, even if it seems normal for him.

► Why shouldn’t we obey all of our natural desires?

The Bible tells us we are called to be conformed to Christ (Romans 8:29). We are to put on the Lord Jesus Christ. Our fleshly desires are not to become the basis of life. Instead, we must submit wrong impulses to God’s authority (Romans 13:14).

► What does it look like to submit our wrong impulses to God’s authority?

Your sexual desires should be submitted to your ultimate purpose, to glorify God by showing the image of God. A life of following Christ is a life that is consistent with the image of God that you have.

A Right Understanding of Human Identity

Many people incorrectly believe that their human nature can be trusted to lead them in the right way. It seems reasonable to them that the desires that come from their own nature should lead them to satisfaction. They do not realize that their nature cannot be trusted because it is damaged by sin. A person’s natural desires will not lead him to satisfaction because his desires are distorted. Neither will a person’s natural desires, apart from God, lead him to do what is right morally.

People believe they should follow their own desires and emotions to create their own purpose for life. They believe it is important to have a personal identity that is not defined or limited by any authority or moral requirements. They think individuals must decide what is right and valuable for themselves. They trust their own natures to direct them in the right way. They do not like institutions or rules that limit their behavior. Corrupt human nature becomes the standard for ethics in place of God’s Word.

Because sexuality is a powerful part of human nature, many people consider sexual desires to be central to their identity. They think they must follow their sexual desires in order to truly be themselves. People think that sexuality is not just what they want or do, it is who they are. They make it their identity.

In contrast to the world’s thinking, the Bible tells us that we are created in the image of God, designed for the purpose of relationship with God. This is our true identity as humans.

Nothing in our earthly existence can give us our ultimate, true identity. The characteristics of our earthly existence are simply the conditions we are in right now. They do not make us who we are. Our ethnicity, social status, or economic status are not our identity, they are our condition. A person may be a doctor, an entertainment star, or a national leader, but that person stands before God as God’s creature in God’s image, and that identity is the most important.

Our sexuality is a powerful part of our condition. We have sexual inclinations, desires, and frustrations. But those things are not our identity; they are part of our condition.

We are born with a sinful nature because the sin of Adam separated humanity from God (Romans 5:18). But even our sinfulness is not our identity; it is our condition, and it can be changed by God’s grace and power (Romans 5:19).

► What is the difference between a person’s identity and a person’s condition?

Human Identity and Personal Ethics

Identity is important because a person bases his ethics on his identity. Ethics are the principles that identify behavior as right or wrong. If a person thinks his sexuality is his identity, then he will believe it is right to follow his sexual inclinations.

Sometimes a person says, “I was born like this; it is natural for me to do this; therefore, it is not wrong for me.” But the Bible teaches that we were all born with a sinful nature (Romans 5:12, Ephesians 2:3). It is not right for us to follow our sinful nature just because it seems natural to us.

Our sinful nature is not who we are. Our sinful nature is our condition. Our sexuality is not our identity. Instead, creatures made in God’s image is our identity. If we acknowledge this reality, we realize that God decides what is right and what is wrong, and that we are accountable to him. Our identity helps us understand the right standard of holy behavior.

► How does a person’s understanding of his identity affect his ethics?

A Right Understanding of Gender

We are familiar with the fact that humans and many animals are separated into male and female. We could assume that God also is male or female, but that would be wrong. God is a being with a nature greater than gender, existing before gender existed. Both human genders came from the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Both human genders are expressions of the image of God.

The image of God is not just something that is included as a part of human nature. The image of God is not only certain characteristics given to us such as the ability to love, appreciation of beauty, and an understanding of right and wrong. The entire human nature is a reflection of God’s image. Nothing but the image of God can be considered the essence of our being. We are primarily creatures in God’s image. No detail of our human condition should be allowed to become our primary identity or the basis of our ethics.

God’s choice of gender for each person is part of his plan of how that person will show the image of God. Some people refuse to accept the gender God gave them. They may try to live as a person of the opposite gender. Some people even try to change their physical body with surgeries. This is a tragic damage of God’s creation, because a person cannot truly change gender by changing the physical body. Each person is male or female throughout the person’s nature – not just physically. God wants us to glorify him and reflect his image in the gender he gave to each of us.

► A student should read Hebrews 13:4 for the group.

This verse tells us that marriage is supposed to be highly respected. Sexual sin is a disrespect of marriage. God will judge sexual immorality.

► A student should read 1 Corinthians 6:18 for the group.

Sexual sins include lustful fantasies, fornication, adultery, incest, rape, child molesting, homosexual activity, and use of pornography.

• Lustful fantasies: Willingly imagining sexual activity with anyone who is not your spouse.

• Fornication: Sexual activity between people who are not married.

• Adultery: Sexual activity that includes a person who is married to someone else.

• Incest: Sexual activity with a close relative who is not your spouse.

• Rape: Sexual abuse, forcing someone into sexual activity against their will.

• Child Molesting: Sexual activity with a person who does not have the maturity to make such a decision or to manage sexual desires.

• Homosexual activity: Sexual activity between people of the same gender.

• Pornography: Writing, pictures, and videos designed to cause sexual reactions by showing nudity or sexual activity.

All of these are violations of the marriage relationship.

Remember—every hunger that entices us in the flesh is an exploitation of a need that can be better met by God. The only context for godly sex is marital sex. Illicit sex is… immediately sweet, but something that will poison our spiritual appetite until we crave that which will ultimately destroy us. Illicit sex will do nothing but diminish our sensitivity to holiness, righteousness, and God’s presence in our lives.[1]

In many passages, Proverbs warns that sexual immorality destroys a person’s life and leads to death (Proverbs 2:16-19 and Proverbs 6:24-29, 32-33 for example).

Robertson McQuilkin writes that

[God’s purposes for human sexuality] are violated mentally almost as severely as they would be by the act itself. He did not simply create male and female; he created them for one another in an intimate, permanent bond of marriage, a oneness patterned after his own nature. For this high purpose to be fulfilled, the intimacy must be exclusive and the commitment permanent or it is no oneness. Faithfulness is most importantly of the mind. Exclusive intimacy, permanent commitment, and mutual trust are violated first in the mind.[2]

► Students should read 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 15-20 and Matthew 5:27-30 for the group.

Every society has cultural views of relationships between men and women. These cultural views have lower standards than the standards of biblical morality. Many cultures have only the rules necessary for maintaining an orderly society. They tolerate sexual sin if it is managed carefully enough to avoid bad consequences or scandal. The biblical standard of morality is different.

Sadly, some churches follow the morality of their culture instead of the morality of the Bible. They punish people whose sins have become obvious and careless, but they tolerate the same sins by people who are more careful to hide their sin or manage its consequences.

These verses tell us that people who are committing these sins are not believers and will not go to heaven. Some of the Corinthian believers had committed these sins in the past but had been saved from them.

Any doctrine that excuses any of these sins for a person who professes to be a believer is a false doctrine. If a person claims to be a follower of Christ yet commits sexual sin, the church is required by scripture to remove him from the church and not consider him a believer (1 Corinthians 5:11-13).

Church leaders should set a good example of behavior. When a church allows worship leaders to dress immodestly or allows sensual forms of dance in the church, they imply that wrong sexual desires are normal. They imply that sexual sin is not serious.

The dress styles of a society may imply that a person is not well-dressed without physical exposure to cause sexual attraction. Church members sometimes fall into this error, especially for special occasions. They think they are not well-dressed unless they follow the fashion of their society. The church must teach that this is wrong. A believer should not want to cause wrong desires in others. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 tells us that believers should dress and act in such a way that anyone who sees them knows they are living careful, pure lives and are unwilling to sin or tempt others to sin.

Pornography is writing, pictures, or videos designed to cause sexual reactions by showing nudity or sexual activity.

The internet is making pornography easily available around the world. Many older pastors and leaders did not face the same temptations because the internet was not available when they were young. They may barely understand what the younger generation is facing. But people must be taught to apply biblical principles to choices of entertainment.

Pornography is wrong because it is designed to cause a person to imagine actions of fornication, adultery, and many forms of sexual perversion. It is attractive to a person who has sinful desires. Pornography invites and enables a person to participate in immoral actions that God condemns. Jesus said that choosing to imagine these things is sinful (Matthew 5:28).

Pornography is also wrong because it devalues people and relationships. It reduces sex to a selfish activity. It treats people like objects to use for personal pleasure instead of valuing people as made in God’s image, designed for healthy relationships.

Pornography is addictive. Pornography, like sin in general, is enslaving (John 8:24, 2 Peter 2:19). The person who uses pornography feels a strong need for it. He can hardly imagine living without it. It seems to him that life would be empty and uninteresting without the imaginations he gets from pornography. Like every other addiction, the desire becomes consuming, and the user begins to sacrifice the good things in his life.

Pornography is progressive. The user needs material that is increasingly explicit and perverted. He will begin to take delight in imaginations that would have disgusted and horrified him before.

[1]Pornography is damaging. The user becomes less capable of enjoying a normal relationship. His desires become so unnatural that they can never be satisfied. He becomes insensitive to the abuse of others and is willing for others to suffer for his pleasure.

Some Effects of Pornography

Imagining the actions depicted in pornography affects viewers’ minds and bodies as if they were physically doing the actions themselves.

Pornography presents unrealistic situations that cause the brain to have stronger pleasure responses than it would have in any natural sexual encounter.[2] The brain adapts to this unnaturally high level of pleasure chemicals. Because of this, the brain continually demands increasing amounts of pornography, and increasingly perverse pornography so that viewers can continue to feel pleasure. The chemical changes in the brain can eventually lead to a person being physically incapable of having or enjoying a natural, real-life sexual experience. The part of the brain that enables us to make decisions is also damaged because of the presence of too much of the pleasure chemical.

God designed sexual experiences to be bonding for relationships. A hormone released in the brain during a sexual experience emotionally bonds participants to each other, strengthening their relationship. This is a wonderful gift within marriage. However, watching pornography emotionally bonds a viewer to pornography itself.

The guilt and shame of pornography usage isolates people, keeping them from being able to connect with other people in healthy relationships. It also destroys trust within a marriage relationship.

Because it causes chemical imbalances in the brain, pornography usage can lead to mental depression for the viewer.

The scenes depicted in pornography sometimes lead to violence and abuse within real-life sexual relationships.

Pastors and parents must warn young people of the dangers of pornography. Parents should not give their children unrestricted access to the internet when they lack the maturity to resist temptation. Anyone who struggles with the temptation to use pornography should regularly give a report of victories or failures to a trusted, godly person. Regular checkups with a mature believer can help the struggling person to maintain a commitment to purity and gain consistent victory.

► What practices should you recommend to people to help protect them from the addiction of pornography? How can the church help?

Child molestation is having sexual activity with a child. It is a perversion of sex. It is evil for many reasons, including:

• It defies God’s good intentions for sexuality within covenant marriage (Hebrews 13:4).

• It steals the child’s innocence – the child now has experience with things they shouldn’t know yet.

• It robs the child of virginity (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7).

• It gives the child a false sense of guilt; the child is in a wrong activity but is not able or allowed to make a real choice.

• It causes the child to make decisions about sexuality that he does not yet have the maturity to make.

• It makes children more likely to choose immoral behavior in the future because they feel dirty or worthless (Matthew 18:6).

• It increases temptation for the child to engage in perverted or abusive activity in the future.

• It abuses those who are vulnerable and cannot defend themselves.

• It injures someone made in God’s image, who has infinite worth (Genesis 1:27).

Child molestation sometimes happens in families and among friends. It may not be suspected because family members and friends are trusted, and the child is afraid to tell anyone about what has happened.

Rape is physically forcing a person (whether child or adult) to do sexual activity without their consent. Rape is evil for many of the same reasons that child molesting is evil (Deuteronomy 22:25-27).

Another form of sexual abuse is sex trafficking. All over the world, children and young people are kidnapped by strangers or sold by family members and used for prostitution or for making pornography. Families in poverty sometimes fail to protect their children from this evil business because they feel desperate for money. Someone makes profit, but the children are not only harmed physically but terribly damaged mentally and emotionally. This is sinful oppression of the poor and vulnerable that God will judge (Proverbs 14:31).

These sins against children break God’s heart (Matthew 18:10-14, Psalm 146:7-9). Those who do these sins will not get by without punishment (1 Thessalonians 4:6, Ezekiel 7:8-9). Believers ought to share the love and compassion of God’s heart and work to defend, rescue, and heal those who are enslaved (Proverbs 24:11-12, Job 29:12-16, Psalm 72:12-14).

To masturbate is to stimulate one’s own genitals for sexual pleasure or to relieve sexual tension.

The Bible does not specifically condemn masturbation itself as immoral. However, self-sex may lead to lustful thinking, pornography use, and fornication, all of which are sinful (Matthew 5:27-28, Matthew 15:19-20).

Masturbation is unwise also because it is addictive: the more you do it, the more you feel like you have to do it.

Compulsive masturbation sometimes points to a deeper issue, such as emotional or relational problems, or past sexual abuse.

► Students should read 1 Corinthians 6:12-13, 18-20 and 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 for the group.

God designed physical oneness in marriage to help unite a husband and wife emotionally and spiritually (1 Corinthians 6:16-20, Malachi 2:15).

Many… assume that masturbation can help them deal with being single until they get married. They fail to realize, however, that when the practice becomes habitual, it may threaten the beauty and intimacy of marital sex in the future.

Self-sex provides a sexual experience that misses the essential purpose of sex: the joining of two to become one flesh, physically and emotionally…. Masturbation should not be used as a substitute for healthy, normal sexual activity in marriage.[1]

What should an unmarried person do if masturbation is a problem in their life? Even if someone is masturbating only for the purpose of relieving sexual tension, it is still best to avoid it, because of the temptations that are present and because self-sex does not accomplish God’s purposes for sexuality.

If there is any kind of immorality in their life, they must confess and forsake that sin. They should regularly and frequently give account of victories and failures to a godly older mentor who will pray for and advise them.

If the masturbation is the result of emotional or relational problems or past sexual abuse, getting counseling from a professional Christian counselor is appropriate.

God designed marriage to be a lifelong, committed relationship between a man and a woman. God saw that Adam needed a helper (Genesis 2:18). The word for helper means someone who corresponds to another, being a helper by being different in helpful ways. God created a woman and not another man to be Adam’s helper (Genesis 2:22). The conclusion of the creation story gives the general principle of marriage for all humanity – in marriage, a man and woman become one in a unique way (Genesis 2:24).

Jesus spoke about God’s design of marriage (Matthew 19:4-6). He referred to the passage in Genesis and stated that a man and woman come together to become one in a unique, permanent relationship.

The Apostle Paul made many statements about marriage. He said that marriage is an illustration that teaches us about the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Throughout the passage in Ephesians, he made statements about the relationship between men and their wives. He quoted the statement from Genesis and Matthew about the special relationship between a man and his wife (Ephesians 5:31). It is obvious from this passage that marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman.

The book of Leviticus gives detailed applications of God’s law to Israel. It states that for a man to lie with another man as with a woman is an abomination (Leviticus 18:22). The penalty for homosexual activity was death for both participants, because both committed an abomination (Leviticus 20:13).

Sometimes people say that Leviticus does not apply to modern people. It is true that some of the commands in Leviticus had ceremonial significance. However, the commands in Leviticus 18-20 forbid other sexual perversions such as sex with close relatives, sex with animals, and prostitution of a daughter. Other commands in these chapters forbid child sacrifice, stealing, idol worship, mistreating deaf or blind people, oppressing the poor, mistreating foreigners, and having false scales. It is obvious that these commands are applications of God’s standards of morality and justice that apply to all people in all places for all time.

► A student should read Romans 1:18-32 for the group.

This passage begins with the statement that God’s judgment is coming upon all people who knowingly rebel against God. The passage says that after people rejected knowledge of the one true God, the Creator, they became idolatrous, worshipping created things. Their rejection of truth led to sexual sin, even going to the extent of homosexual activity. The passage states that sex between people of the same gender is against what is natural. Some people have said that this passage is referring to homosexual rape, but the passage says that people together did what is wrong and received judgment for it, so it refers to voluntary activity together. The passage goes on to list many kinds of sin and describes an attitude of rebellion against God.

The Apostle Paul listed homosexual activity with other sins that God condemns (1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 1 Timothy 1:9-10).

Some churches have struggled to find a way to show love to people who are in sexual sin. Some churches have excused various forms of sexual sin as normal and natural and unavoidable.

► What are some responsibilities of the church regarding issues of sexual morality?

Teaching and Loving Righteousness

Sometimes the church seems unconcerned about forms of sexual immorality that they think are less harmful and less perverted. For example, they may assume that many young, unmarried people will have sexual activity instead of teaching them to have victory over temptation. Believers should uphold God’s standard of holy living and reserve sexual activity for marriage.

The message of the church should be as clear as the Bible’s statements. God will judge those who have sexual activity outside of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Believers should not admire a person for immoral sexual activity. Followers of Christ should not make jokes about sexual immorality. The world teaches that sexual sin should be managed carefully to avoid pregnancy and disease, but the message of the church is more important. The church should teach that sexual sin leads to sorrow, damaged families, increased temptation and discontentment, and guilt.

Sharing the Gospel

The church should love all sinners and offer Christ’s grace and forgiveness.

It is not sinful to experience temptation; even Christ was tempted, yet without sin (Hebrews 4:15). The church should not make a person feel condemned and hopeless because of temptations, even temptations to perverted sexual actions. Wrong desires are not the same for everyone, but everyone is born with a sinful nature and spiritual defects that cause wrong desires.

A pastor may feel that he has not been specially trained to help a person with wrong desires, but he can counsel and help a person with this problem the same as a person with any other sin. (The two next sections of this lesson offer further, specific counsel for helping believers to be victorious over temptation to sexual immorality.)

► How should the church respond when a church member has committed sexual immorality?

Restoring the Sinner

Galatians 6:1 says that the church must try to restore a member who has sinned. That does not mean that a person should keep a ministry position or be quickly put back into a ministry position after he has sinned. Restoration means to be accepted back into the fellowship and care of the church. If the member truly repents, he is forgiven by God and the church. The church should provide spiritual accountability to help him maintain victory and become spiritually strong. As a restored believer lives in accountability, he can gradually rebuild the trust of his family of faith.

If an unmarried girl becomes pregnant, the church should not exclude her from the fellowship and care of the church without attempting spiritual restoration. If she repents and submits to spiritual accountability, she is forgiven. Her sin is not worse than the sin of the man who was involved. Sometimes the girl is treated severely simply because the results of her sin are so visible.

In some places, the church treats a child differently because he was born outside of marriage, but that is wrong because it is not the child’s fault. For the church to love and accept the child does not mean that they excuse sin.

Protecting the Vulnerable

In some societies, parents who feel shame because of their unwed daughter’s pregnancy are tempted to kill the unborn child to save the reputation of their family. But there is never a good reason for murder (Exodus 20:13). Every unborn child is made in God’s image (Genesis 9:6, Psalm 139:13-14). The girl’s baby must be protected, loved, and nurtured.

Providing Alternatives to Poverty

The church is a family of faith. It is not enough for the church to condemn sins. The church must take care of its members. For example, a person being supported financially by sinful activity may need help to develop alternative financial support.

For example, several girls were attending a large church and singing in the choir. Their families were poor. The girls were in immoral relationships with men in order to earn money to help their families. What should the church do in that situation?

► What should your church do to help people leave sinful lifestyles?

We discussed many difficult topics in this lesson. It is likely that many of those reading the lesson have struggled with some of these issues. Some readers are church leaders who need to know how to counsel other believers who are facing temptations.

No matter the kind of temptation, there are certain behaviors and thought patterns that can help a believer to be victorious.

A follower of Christ will be helped by:

1. Being absolutely committed to your relationship with Christ (Matthew 16:24-27). Temptation to sexual immorality, like all temptation, is Satan’s attack on your soul (1 Peter 2:11). He only wants to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). You must flee for your life (2 Timothy 2:22).

2. Being confident that Jesus cares (Psalm 139:1-3, 1 Peter 5:6-10). He cares about your faith, your physical needs, and your purity. In his humanity, he victoriously endured the physical and mental temptations we face, and he has the grace we need to be victorious (Hebrews 4:14-16).

3. Not believing the devil’s lies (John 8:44). The devil may tell you “Jesus doesn’t care, or he would take away the sex drive that is so frustrating to you.” 1 Peter 5:7-8 tells us that Jesus does care, and the devil is the one who wants to destroy us. The devil may falsely accuse you of being sinful because of having sexual desires (Revelation 12:10).

4. Focusing on Jesus Himself and praising him for who he is (Psalm 105:3-4). The devil would love to destroy your faith and your relationship with God through this test (John 10:10). But Jesus’ purpose for this test is that your faith will be strengthened, and that you will better be able to glorify him (1 Peter 1:5-9). When you focus on worshipping Jesus, he will be present to help you (Psalm 46:1).

5. Meditating on God’s Word (Psalm 119:9). Reading, listening to, and meditating on God’s Word will help you to stand victorious in time of temptation. When Jesus was tempted, he used scripture to overcome (Matthew 4). We must do the same.

6. Thanking Jesus for your sexual desires, even while praying for strength to overcome temptation (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). You can be thankful for your nature desires, because they are part of God’s design of your humanity and they force you to depend on Jesus and seek his strength. Your weakness gives an opportunity to mature in your walk with him.

7. Staying accountable to at least one mature and godly person (Galatians 6:2). Being open and honest with someone (your same gender) who is farther along the journey of faith will be very helpful. They will be able to pray for you and advise you. Talking with them about your struggles will help you to maintain purity and keep encouraged in your faith.

8. Serving others and focusing on their needs (Philippians 2:3-5). Fight against excessive concern about your own needs and desires by serving other people.

9. Getting married to the right person in God’s time (Proverbs 5:15, 18-19). (Upcoming lessons discuss how to make a wise choice for marriage.)

► Which of these ideas are new to you? Which have you found helpful in your own life?

► What other behaviors or thought patterns have been helpful to you?

Young people face strong temptations before they are married. It is important for them to remember that they need a life partner who can be faithful.[1] They should not consider a relationship with a person who wants to have short-term pleasure without marriage. They should not consider having a relationship with a person who is not a committed believer (1 Corinthians 7:39). They should consider only someone who will be a faithful marriage partner and a good parent.

A young person who wants to have a good marriage should be a faithful, committed follower of Christ so that the right kind of person will be attracted (Proverbs 3:4-8). A person demonstrates good character with appropriate behavior and modest dress (1 Timothy 2:9-10). People who behave carelessly with people of the opposite gender imply that they are willing to have a relationship based on the wrong desires (1 Thessalonians 4:1-7). A person who dresses in a way that causes wrong desires attracts a person who wants to have pleasure without commitment (Proverbs 7).

God has given parents, pastors, and other Christian leaders to provide guidance in behavior, dress, and relationship choices. As young people submit to these leaders in obedience to God, they will have God’s greatest blessings and will be protected from much harm and temptation.

► Students should read 1 Peter 5:5 and Hebrews 13:17 for the group.

It is the responsibility of children and young people to submit to the wisdom and leadership of their parents and spiritual authorities. It is the responsibility of these leaders to help young people live victorious over temptation.

► Students should read Romans 13:14 and 1 Corinthians 10:13 for the group.

God does not allow believers to be in situations of temptation beyond what they are able to resist and escape if they are willing to. Young people are responsible to flee temptation (2 Timothy 2:22). However, parents should prevent their youth from experiencing unnecessary temptation as much as possible. There are at least three ways parents do this:

1. By giving specific instructions about what the children should and should not do, who they should be with, and where they should go (Ephesians 6:1-4). Parents should not allow their children to be in situations where their maturity will not be sufficient to protect them from temptation. For example, if a young man and young woman are alone in a private place, they will likely be tempted to wrong behavior.

2. By keeping their young people accountable in areas of temptation. A parent should pray with the young people and ask questions about their life. The effectiveness of accountability will depend on the strength of the relationship between the parent and child. If the child does not trust the parent to be loving, accepting, and supportive, the child will not want to admit any failure.

3. By giving young people biblical advice. Parents should help their young people learn to consider situations with biblical principles in mind (Proverbs 4:1-9, Proverbs 7:1, 4-5). They should talk with their youth about the dangers that they see. They should help their youth consider the various choices that they will need to make. They can help their youth think ahead of time about how to avoid temptation and what to do when they do have temptations.

The church must be distinct from its culture when it defends biblical morality. Many cultures do not consider sexual sin to be serious. They expect young unmarried people to have sexual relationships before marriage. The church must not compromise with sin. The church should not assume that sexual sin among young people is normal. God says those who are immoral have no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ (Ephesians 5:5).

► How could the church help young people who are struggling with the temptations of the world?

► Students should read Ephesians 5:3-7 and Hebrews 13:4 for the group.

The period of time when a relationship exists before marriage is not a time for a sexual relationship to begin. Instead it is a period of time when the man and woman make sure that they share the same spiritual and biblical priorities. It is a time when they develop an understanding of each other that enables them to trust each other enough to make a permanent commitment to one another. If they are not able to come to this trust of each other’s character, they should end the relationship and not marry.

People in some societies delay marriage because their culture expects marriage to be an elaborate, expensive ceremony. Many times, couples live together for years and have children while delaying marriage. For some couples, the expense of their wedding hurts them financially for long afterward because they spend everything they have for the wedding event and may even borrow money. The church should be a community of faith that provides a different model of marriage. Christian marriage is for a man and woman who are committed to each other and to God and should not require great expense that delays the wedding or hurts the couple’s future.

► What are some ways that Christian marriage should be different from the marriage customs of society?

Children see and hear references to sex. They hear opinions from people about what is right and wrong. Children will eventually have sexual feelings, desires, and temptations, so it is very important for Christian parents to explain what God says about sex. Children should not know details about sexual activity, because they are not old enough to be married, and that knowledge would give them unnecessary temptations.

Children need to know God’s plan and their responsibility to obey him. They need to know that they will face temptation. They need to be prepared to obey God and to control their own sexual desires until they are married.

The following material is useful for teaching children a Christian view of sexuality without talking about details of sexual activity. It is written in a simple way, the way you would talk to children.

Talking with a Child

► Read Genesis 2:7, 18-24 with the child.

This passage tells us how God created the first man and first woman and put them into a special relationship.

God designed marriage as a special relationship between a man and a woman. A married couple have a special love for each other. Part of their relationship is a special pleasure that they have when they put their bodies together privately in an action called sex. God designed sex to give a husband and wife pleasure and to sometimes cause a wife to have a baby.

Because sex gives such a special pleasure, a man and a woman have a natural desire to see and touch each other’s body and enjoy each other’s attention.

In the Bible, God tells us that sex is good and right for a husband and wife. But God also tells us that sex is very wrong for people who are not married to each other. God has given us rules about sexual activity for at least four reasons:

(1) Sexual pleasure is designed for marriage.

God has designed sex to be a special part of the marriage relationship. Though it is possible for any man and any woman to have pleasure together this way, the pleasure is most special in a marriage, because each person is given completely to the other person alone. For people who are not married, sex does not have that meaning, and they cannot have the full relationship God intended. Therefore, a person who is too young to be married should not have sex. People should not have sex until they have made the marriage commitment and had a public marriage ceremony. A person should have sex only with their own spouse.

(2) Sexual desires are very strong.

It is not wrong to have sexual desires, because God created them. But it is wrong to purposely increase a desire to do something God does not want. Because of this:

• Except in marriage, a person should not do things that cause sexual desires to be stronger, such as purposely looking at or thinking about someone else’s body.

• Except in marriage, a person should not touch another person in a way that will increase either person’s desire for sex.

• A person should not choose to imagine doing wrong things.

• A person should not look at pictures or videos to enjoy seeing people doing wrong things.

• A person should not dress in a way that could cause others to want to do wrong things or imagine doing wrong things.

• A person should not behave or talk in a way that seems like he wants to do wrong things.

(3) Our desires cannot guide us.

Animals are controlled by their feelings and desires. We are not animals; we are people made in God’s image. Because of this, we must think about what we should do, and then make right choices. We should not be controlled by our feelings and desires. Sometimes it is right to do what we want; sometimes it is not. Our desires cannot tell us when sex is right. Instead of obeying our feelings, we must follow God’s directions from the Bible with the help of God’s Spirit.

(4) Sex sometimes creates babies.

God has designed that babies come from the relationship of love. He has designed that children need many years to grow up in a family that loves them and cares for them. A baby whose mother and father are not married to each other usually does not have both a mother and a father to care for it until it is an adult.

Realizing the four facts listed above, people who want to please God and have the best life will follow God’s directions. They will establish careful habits to help them resist temptation to disobey God.

A Child’s Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for making me a (boy or girl). Thank you for your special, good plan for marriage. Please help me to love and obey you all my life. You see everything I do, and you know everything I think. Please help me to always obey your directions for life. I want my thoughts and actions to please you. Help me to help my friends obey you by being a good example to them. At the right time, when I am grown up, help me to be the (husband or wife) you want me to be. I love you, God!

Amen

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for making us in your image, giving our lives purpose and meaning. Thank you for creating gender to help us reflect your image.

Thank you for your good design and purposes for human sexuality in marriage.

We repent of the ways that we have disobeyed your Word. Please wash, forgive, and sanctify us in the name of Jesus (1 Corinthians 6:11). Set us free from enslavement to sin (Romans 6:6-7). We now present our bodies to you, committing to do what is right in your sight (Romans 6:13-14).

Enable us to learn habits of righteous thinking and behavior (1 Timothy 4:7, Psalm 23:3). May our thoughts and actions always be pleasing in your sight (Psalm 19:14). Thank you for promising to provide us with victory in every time of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Amen

(1) Read Galatians 5:16-6:9 while considering the topics discussed in this lesson. Answer the following questions in writing:

• What is the difference between the desires of the flesh (5:16) and the actions of the flesh (5:19)?

• What two things are promised to those who commit the actions of the flesh (5:19-21, 6:7-8)?

• How can a believer have the strength to not obey the desires of the flesh (5:16, 22-23, 25)?

• What are some truths believers should remember during times of temptation that will help them to overcome? (Name at least four from this passage.)

• What things are believers instructed to do in this passage? (Name at least four from this passage.)

• What are the responsibilities of believers to one another (Galatians 6:1-2, 6)?

(2) Read Romans 6:1-23. Answer the following questions:

• What things does this passage say are true about every believer? (List 6-8 things.)

• What choices must believers make because of what is true about them? (List 6-8 things.)

• Why can a believer expect to be victorious in time of temptation to sin? (Write a paragraph.)

(3) Read Romans 8:1-14. Write a prayer based on the truths in this passage.

(4) Memorize Romans 6:11-14 and Colossians 3:5-7. At the beginning of the next class, write or recite the passages from memory.