By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Understand how marriage should reflect the relationships in the Trinity.

(2) Embrace God's perspective on having children.

(3) Understand how the Fall affected marriage and family relationships.

(4) Appreciate how God's redemptive purposes are fulfilled despite human flaws.

(5) Realize that obedience to God’s plan can help any family be a redemptive family.

In this course, we will mostly learn about the family that lives together in a single dwelling. Many different combinations of people form the groups that live in a home together and are called families. There are families with one parent, families divided by divorce, families combined by a second marriage, families that have adopted children, families with multiple generations, and families that are temporarily hosting extra children or adults.

Each of us has a mental concept of what family means. Discussions about family create different emotions in us, depending on our personal experiences.

How Childhood Affects Us

Maybe you have wonderful memories of your childhood, or maybe you struggle with anger because of childhood experiences. Maybe your family members often help and encourage one another, or maybe they avoid each other and have only conflict when they are together. You may feel that your family has been a great foundation and help for your life, or maybe your home felt like an imprisoning, painful environment that you were eager to escape. Maybe when you see families that seem better than yours, you feel that your family failed you.

Our understanding of our families is important because it influences our understanding of life and our understanding of who God is. The Bible speaks of God being the Father of his people. Our relationships with our parents—especially our fathers—shape our concept of our heavenly Father. If our human father was absent, abusive, neglectful, demanding, manipulative, passive, or hurtful in any way, our concept of God as Father will likely be damaged. Until we become acquainted with God through his Word, through the life of Jesus and through our personal walk with him, we may find it difficult to see him as a good Father. He truly is a good father who actively protects and provides for his children. He listens to and talks with his children, guides them, and delights in their well-being. God can help us to reshape our understanding of him as we get to know Him.[1]

How Spiritual Differences Affect Us

Some of us have been rejected by our families because we follow Christ. Jesus said that we should expect persecution from unbelieving family members because of our devotion to him. In many places believers are betrayed, shamed, neglected, abused, or killed by their own family members who have rejected Christ.

► A student should read Matthew 10:21-22, 28, 32-39. After reading these verses, discuss the following questions:

• According to this passage, what should believers expect?

• What promises are given here?

• How should believers think about persecution?

Others of us may not experience persecution from family but may still experience relationship difficulties because of our faith. Maybe our family relationships are strained, distant, or limited because as believers our lives are so different from the lives of our family members. We may be misunderstood or disrespected. Relatives may try to hinder our ministry. Even Jesus experienced these difficulties (Mark 3:21, John 7:3, 5), so we should not be surprised if we do as well.

In a few minutes, you will introduce yourself to your classmates, but you will not just state your name, you will share about who you are in the context of your family.

First, think about all the different titles you hold within your family, such as son or daughter, husband or wife, father or mother, uncle or aunt, grandfather or grandmother. Can you think of additional titles? You probably have several titles.

What other roles or places do you have in your family? Are you the oldest or youngest? The financial provider? A person who takes care of the home? A caregiver for an elderly or disabled person? Think of other roles and responsibilities you have within your family.

► Introduce yourself to your classmates, listing several of your titles and roles within your family.

► Now, take a moment to think about how your titles and roles influence (1) your view of yourself and (2) how you view others inside of your family.

Despite how you may feel about your immediate or extended family members, they are yours. Perhaps your family is broken, carrying marks of hurt and pain. Or maybe people are envious of your family because you seem to be perfect: you have a good marriage, intelligent and healthy children, and a home filled with love, peace, and laughter.

Whether your family seems weak or strong, God is interested and involved in your family. He has a plan for your family.

► Write down the names of your family members (at least 3-4 generations of family members). For example, the names of your grandparents (1st generation), the names of your parents (2nd generation), your name and that of your siblings (3rd generation), the names of your children or nieces and nephews (4th generation).

Draw a star beside the names of those with whom you have a close and good relationship. Draw a triangle beside the names of those with whom you have a limited relationship, and a square around the names of those whom you are disconnected from for whatever reason.

Are there people whom you consider part of your family, though they are not actually related to you: people who attend all family gatherings and celebrations as if they were family? Write and circle their names.

► Keep your Bible open to Genesis as we study the lives of Adam and Eve, and Abraham and Sarah.

The First Wedding

Adam and Eve were the first human family: one husband and one wife, one male and one female joined in marriage. At the first wedding, Adam stated, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

The next verse gives the Biblical definition of marriage: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This same phrasing is repeated in the New Testament in Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31. The one-flesh union of a man and a woman is an unconditional commitment, a promise before God and man that is to last for a lifetime.

Marriage is a threefold miracle. It is a biological miracle by which two people actually become one flesh; it is a social miracle through which two families are grafted together; it is a spiritual miracle in that the marriage relationship pictures the union of Christ and His bride, the church.[1]

Marriage Reflects Relationships in the Trinity

[2]Marriage is designed to reflect God’s character and his relationships. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have always been and will always be in relationship with each other. Each is unique in his role, but all persons of the Trinity are permanently One and are of One essence. In the relationship between the persons of the Trinity, we see unity, intimacy, faithfulness, and steadfast love. Biblical marriage is patterned after this amazing relationship. God’s plan is for each husband and wife to be pure in their love and committed to each other for life.

The human marriage relationship should reflect the relationships within the Trinity in these ways:

1. Marriage is to be an unconditional, exclusive commitment to the other.

2. Marriage is to be a relationship of self-giving love.

3. Marriage is to be a fruitful relationship.

The First Command

During the first wedding, which was conducted by God himself,

God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

To be fruitful and multiply is the first command God gave in the Bible. Marriage is designed to be a fruitful relationship of self-giving love. Reproduction within marriage glorifies the Creator, as husband and wife together further God’s creative work and bring more people into the family relationship. What a privilege and responsibility!

► A student should read Psalm 127:3-5 for the group. This passage uses word pictures to describe children. What are the word pictures? Based on these word pictures, how should we think about our children?

The Bible shows us that children are a gift, a precious possession. They should not be thought of as merely the result of a sexual relationship. Whether or not the circumstances surrounding the conception of a child are desirable or righteous, the Giver of Life is intentional in the conception and birth of each child, including you and me. God has a purpose for each person no matter the circumstances of one’s birth.

Yes, children are a gift from God, but they are also the parents’ gift to God.

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth (Malachi 2:15).

Children are a sacred trust. God expects parents to raise their children to fulfill his own purposes. God wants to use our children to further his kingdom (Genesis 18:19). God has trusted us to prepare our children for a life of serving him (Deuteronomy 6:2). We are not raising them to serve us or to fulfill our dreams. We should see them as arrows to be shot out to hit the target God has for them.

The Fall and the Brokenness of the Human Family

In Genesis 3, the only perfect family to ever exist fell into a state of brokenness and absolute need of a Savior. Adam and Eve sinned, and the curse of death fell on all humanity. Adam and Eve’s relationship with each other was permanently damaged, and they were separated from God.

Both man and woman suffered additional curses:

• Childbirth would be painful.

• Husbands would misuse authority.

• Wives would be defiant and disrespectful.

• Work would be frustrating and difficult.[3]

God’s perfect plan for the family was distorted because people accepted Satan’s lies.

Genesis 4 continues to reveal the brokenness of the fallen human family.

Notice Genesis 4:1, the first pregnancy and birth. This verse covers a nine-month timespan—the time between the conception of a child and the child’s birth. Pause to imagine what those nine months of pregnancy must have been like for Eve, as she tried to share her fears and joys with Adam. There was no one to give her advice, no one to answer her questions. Her enlarging belly, the kicks of her baby, and the birthing process with its contractions and pain were all first-time experiences for any human mother. No wonder Eve said of Cain’s birth, “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD” (Genesis 4:1).

Time passed, and in the next verse we learn of a second pregnancy and birth. Now Adam and Eve have a family of four. In the second half of the same verse is a summary of their sons’ professions. By verse 3, the boys are grown men, and in the following verses we read the tragic story of the first murder. Adam and Eve’s oldest son killed his brother in an act of anger and jealousy. Can you imagine the shock, the sorrow, the questions, the hurt and pain?

Your answer to those questions may be, “Yes! I can imagine it. In fact, I’ve experienced something similar!” Let me encourage you: You are not alone. Your family is redeemable! There is good news for every family.

Gordon Wenham writes,

…The message of Genesis… is a story of grace triumphing despite human sin, of grace triumphing even in families broken by sin. The book starts on a high note with the creation of the world climaxing with the creation of humankind in God’s image and God declaring all that He had made was very good…. It is only in chapter 3 that things start to go wrong, with disobedience, [conflict], and death replacing obedience, harmony, and life. Things get worse in chapter 4… and reach their [lowest point in] chapter 6, where the earth is said to be full of violence (Genesis 6:11, 13).[4]

Further in Genesis, we read of Abraham, the father of the Hebrew nation (Genesis 11:27-25:11).[1] It was through Abraham’s family that God would bring the Savior into the human family.

Barrenness[2]

Genesis 11 lists the genealogy of Abram, who was a descendant of Noah’s son Shem. Genesis 11:30 tells us that Abram’s wife Sarai was not able to have children. That verse is a verse of tears, anguish, heartache, frustration, futility, anger, and grief for so many who read it. If you can put your name in place of Sarai’s in this verse, know that you are not alone.

For those who would love to have children, but who are experiencing infertility, reading such passages as Genesis 1:28 and Psalm 127:3-5 causes great pain and sorrow. It is natural to feel that childlessness is a punishment or a curse.

The truth is, you are not less important to God because you do not have children. You are not forgotten. Your barrenness does not mean that your family is a flawed family. Others have experienced this same deep sorrow.

How a couple works through infertility, both together and as individuals, is very important. Unwise choices can lead to further problems, as we will see in the lives of Abram and Sarai.

Waiting for a Promise

Following the death of his father, Abram became the patriarch of his family. God promised to make Abram a great nation (Genesis 12:2) and promised to give Abram’s descendants the land of Canaan (Genesis 12:7). Abram was now 75 years old (Genesis 12:4) and Sarai ten years younger (Genesis 17:17). Sarai was an unusually beautiful 65-year-old woman (Genesis 12:11), still barren, and already well past usual childbearing years.

[3]Years continued to pass, and still no child, though God’s promise had been clearly renewed in Genesis 13:14-17. Abram seems to have given up on the possibility of fathering his own child, because in Genesis 15:2-3 he tells God that his servant is his heir. The Lord replied, “This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir” (Genesis 15:4). Then, God gave Abram a second picture promise of innumerable descendants, and Abram believed the Lord (Genesis 15:6).

Think of what these years of waiting must have been like for Sarai:

As painful as the judgment of others might have felt for Sarai, it was her own [sharp] disappointment that hurt the most. She probably longed not only for the fulfillment of being a mother but also for the honor and respect accorded to mothers in a society where women did not count for much otherwise. We know that male infertility can be the cause for the failure to conceive, but there was no such biological knowledge in Sarai’s world. Sarai’s identity as a woman, as someone of worth, depended on her producing and nursing babies. She did not gain value in men’s eyes by being a righteous and faithful human being but by producing male heirs for her husband. An empty womb meant an empty life.[4]

Human Solutions and Painful Results

When Abram was 85 years old, Sarai had an idea—a solution for how Abram could have a child. Sarai’s female servant could be the birthmother of their child! (Genesis 16:1-4). But what Abram and Sarai had hoped would be a perfect solution destroyed the peace in their home when Hagar conceived. What had seemed so right had been so wrong. Their attempt to help God fulfill His promise only led to contention and discord. When people fail to trust God’s plan and timing, broken relationships and hurt feelings are the natural consequences.

[5]In the years that followed, tension, hurt, misunderstandings, communication problems, anger, abandonment, and despair multiplied (Genesis 16-21), not only in Abram and Sarai’s household, but in that of the family of their nephew Lot.

Flawed Families

Abram had been chosen by God to be the father of a great nation, the bloodline through which Jesus would be born! It seems like Abram was ruining God’s plan, as were the other members of his family! Theirs was an example of a very flawed family.

By Genesis 49:33, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and his wives had all died. Together with Jacob’s children, they were a family of disastrous failures and flaws. Fighting, arguments, favoritism, deceit, abandonment, sibling rivalry, rape, and incest were all part of their family’s story. None of those words describe a thriving, peaceful family!

Sadly, this story can be repeated throughout the Bible and throughout the world in the centuries since. Of course, even in these families there were times of joy, beautiful love stories, and even a few righteous men.

Through it all, God never abandoned his plan to redeem humanity. Nor did he change his purpose for family. If you continue reading through the Old Testament, you will discover a beautiful theme of redemption going through the story of the Hebrew family. Many events pointed ahead to Jesus. Abraham's offering of Isaac; the Passover and the Israelites' escape from slavery in Egypt; Rahab's deliverance from judgment and her inclusion in the people of God; and many other happenings beautifully illustrated the promise that a Savior would come and redeem humanity.

Ephesians 5 tells us that God designed marriage to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and his bride, the Church. Just as Christ the head gives himself for the Church, so each husband, as head of his wife, is to give himself for her. Likewise, each wife is to follow the example of the Church. Just as the Church submits to Christ, each wife must submit to her husband.

The Fall of humanity marred God’s original design for human families and brought destructive consequences to the marriage relationship. Every family faces the consequences of humanity’s fall into sin. However,

Jesus came to redeem all things, including marriage. He came to redeem and restore all that sin has damaged and marred. Where we could not live out God’s plan for marriage, Jesus perfectly fulfilled God’s standards. Jesus loved the Church enough to die for her. He perfectly submitted to the plan of God the Father. Jesus is the complete and perfect fulfillment of God’s design and of what our marriages fail to do: love and submit.[1]

► How is Jesus an example of the attitude a married person should have?

Jesus not only fulfills God’s will in his own perfect submission and perfect love, but he enables husbands and wives to overcome the damaging tendencies that are natural to fallen humanity. By his grace, husbands and wives can fulfill God’s design for marriage when they are living by the power of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18).

No family is perfect, but God desires to redeem each family. God’s grace can work in families enabling individuals to become what God originally intended for them to be. As individuals within families choose to obey God’s instructions, their obedience helps to overcome some of the defects and deficiencies that are natural to every family. The consequences of the Fall that affect human relationships are lessened when we submit to God’s will.

For example, as a godly husband obeys God’s instructions to him in Ephesians 5, he overcomes his natural tendency to selfishly misuse his authority over his wife. His obedience to God is redemptive because it lessens the harmful effects of the Fall. This obedience could possibly also motivate his wife to submit herself to him.

As a wife submits to her husband in obedience to God’s instruction (Ephesians 5:24), she is overcoming her natural sinful tendency to resist her husband's authority. Her obedience to God is redemptive, helping their relationship to be more like God intended marriage to be (1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Peter 3:1-7).

That God has given redemptive instructions to Christian families shows us that family relationships are very important to God.

The Responsibilities of Parents and Grandparents

There are many passages throughout scripture that speak of the need for parents and grandparents to teach their children and grandchildren God’s ways. We will briefly consider three.

► A student should read Ephesians 6:4 for the group. What does this verse mean?

It is God’s plan for parents to teach their children to know and obey God. The way that parents lead, instruct, correct, and train their children should reflect the way God does these things for his children.

► A student should read Psalm 78:1-8 for the group. Answer the following questions:

• How many generations of family are mentioned in this passage?

• What is the responsibility of each generation?

• What are the older generations to teach the younger generations?

Psalm 78 overflows with God’s incredible grace and mercy. It tells of his work in the family of Israel from the time they left Egypt until the reign of King David. This Psalm should give readers hope for their family circumstances.

► A student should read Deuteronomy 6:1-9 for the group. Looking at this passage, what are some things we as God’s people are required to do?

This scripture is part of Moses’ speech to the Israelites, just before they entered the Promised Land that God was giving them. They were learning how to be God’s people and what it means to belong to God. The truths in these verses are still foundational for living as the people of God.

God commands us to obediently hear his Word—to do what he requires of us! (Verses 3-4).

We are required:

1. To love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and strength (verse 5).

2. To keep God’s Word in our own hearts (verse 6).

3. To diligently teach our children how to follow God’s Word (verse 7).

4. To keep God’s Word in our minds and in front of us constantly (verses 8-9).

Notice that these commands are for every generation (verse 2). God holds parents and grandparents responsible for teaching their children and grandchildren to live for him. For how long? All the days of their lives (verse 2). God tells us that parents must teach their children his ways throughout the day, every day, everywhere they go, and in everything they do (verses 7-9).

The spiritual education of the children was the responsibility of the parent. The teaching would take place daily through the example of the parents as well as through the repetition of the Law. The importance of this command is seen by the extent to which parents were to go in order to teach their children. This was more than teaching the facts of the Law; it was to be the demonstration of a lifestyle woven into the tapestry of everyday life. Creativity was needed to teach the precepts of God while involved in mundane chores of the household.[1]

Parents must not only teach their children’s minds, but also their hearts. They are to teach their children not only the facts about God, but also the practical application of how to live in relationship with God and in obedience to him. Parents teach their children with verbal instruction and with life examples. Both are essential.

This passage may seem simple, but it is so important. These truths and commandments provide purpose and direction for individuals and for families. As parents continually seek to know God better and to fully obey him in all things, they teach their children to do the same. Parents should have a lifelong attitude of learning and obeying. This is an example to their children, and it gives their children a hunger for God.

► What are some practical ways parents can disciple their children every day?

Family—Training Ground for Loving Others

► A student should read 1 John 4:7-13, 19 for the group.

The theme of this passage is love. To know God in the richness of who He is, we must love one another. One another includes our family. One of the reasons God gave us family is so that we can learn how to love others. As we learn to show love to our family members (even when it is difficult), we become more like God—because God is love! (Verse 8).

When family members—whether spiritual or physical—love each other, they prove that they are born of God (verse 7). As they love each other, God’s love is perfected in them (verse 12).

God does not just require us to love others, he first loved us (verses 9-11, 19). He loved us by sending Jesus to be the satisfaction for our sins (verse 10). God’s love for us is the motivation for our love for others (verse 11).

Loving our family may be easy for some and extremely difficult for others, but all of us can have what we need to obey God’s command—God abiding in us through the Holy Spirit (verses 12-13).

God calls us to love one another, including our parents, spouses, and children. Loving our family does not mean approving wrong or evil. It does not mean that we do not require accountability. It means that we want what is best for our family members and are willing to give of ourselves for their good.

► In your own words, explain some of the ways that marriage reflects the relationships in the Trinity.

► Tell about how God redeemed a marriage damaged by sin.

► Explain why following God’s instructions in marriage is redemptive.

Take a moment to pray and thank God for your family. Pray for your family. Pray about hurts and failures, celebrations and joys. Personalize the words of Deuteronomy 6:4-9, making them into a prayer of submission and supplication.

(1) Memorize Deuteronomy 6:4-9. At the beginning of the next class, write or recite the passage from memory.

(2) In Deuteronomy 6:1-9, God requires four things of us. Prayerfully and honestly evaluate yourself in each of these four areas.

We are required:

• To love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and strength (verse 5).

• To keep God’s Word in our own hearts (verse 6).

• To diligently teach our children to follow God’s Word (verse 7).

• To keep God’s Word in our minds and in front of us constantly (verses 8-9).

Write a personal paragraph prayer about each. (You are not required to share this writing with your class leader but should report that you did the assignment.)

(3) From the lives of Abraham and Sarah we learn about extended times of waiting. Think about these questions:

• When have you needed to wait for God’s timing? What did you learn from these times of waiting?

• How well do you trust the promises of God’s Word? Are you struggling with a promise right now? Is that struggle impacting your family? How?

• Have you ever tried to work something out for yourself or for your family without trusting God? What were the results?

• How does impatience and lack of faith negatively impact families?

Write a total of three paragraphs in response to this topic. (You are not required to share this writing with your class leader but should report that you did the assignment.)