By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Understand God’s priorities for adolescence.

(2) Take responsibility for influencing and training adolescents in preparation for their adulthood.

(3) Be motivated to cultivate healthy, fruitful relationships with adolescents.

(4) Be equipped to follow scriptural principles while facing the challenges of adolescence.

Each evening, Martha took time for prayer and Scripture reading with her two children. She would read some verses of Scripture, pausing at the end of each verse to talk about applications to life. When her children became adolescents, Martha gave them turns reading and explaining the Scripture passages. They explained Scripture well because they had learned from the example of their mother. They were able to put in their own words the principles of life that they had learned from her.

Each society has a name for the period of life between childhood and adulthood. It is the period when a young person begins to have adult interests, such as sexuality, but is not yet able to take adult responsibility. In some countries, a person is legally an adult at age 18. In those countries, someone younger than 18 years old cannot marry, serve in the military, or make legal contracts without a parent’s permission.

The age of adolescence is not exactly the same everywhere. In some societies, a person may be ready to live as an adult earlier than age 18, when he or she has learned to do the work that adults do. In other societies, a person may continue to depend on parents for several years after age 18, while still completing education.

► What is the term used in your society to describe young people in the stage between childhood and adulthood?

► What is an adult?

One definition of adult that is used for both people and animals is this: a creature that has grown to physical maturity. However, human adulthood means more than physical maturity. A young person may have the size and strength of an adult yet not be ready to take adult responsibilities.

► What characteristics do adults have besides physical maturity?

In general, an adult is a person who is able to be self-directing and to take responsibility for decisions. This definition is not exactly precise because levels of personal responsibility vary greatly. Every person who is not totally isolated is influenced by other people, and even adults are not totally free in every decision. However, adulthood is generally characterized by making and being responsible for one’s own decisions. By the end of the adolescent period, the person should be ready to make decisions for himself. The goal of parents is to prepare the adolescent for that responsibility.

Jesus told the story of a son who demanded his inheritance from his father, who was still alive (Luke 15:11-32). The son took the money and wasted it recklessly. This is an example of a person who finished the adolescent stage and became an adult but was not ready to make wise decisions. There are many young adults who are experiencing the disasters of wrong decisions they have made because they did not develop well before they received the freedom and responsibility of adulthood.

God’s Word has much wisdom for adolescence, an important period of time within human development.

► A student should read Luke 2:40, 52 for the group.

Jesus entered adolescence and grew mentally and physically. Between these two verses is the account of Jesus visiting the Temple to talk with the teachers. Not only was he growing physically, but he also felt able to be more independent. He was also ready to share ideas with others beyond his family and friends.

Mary and Joseph were amazed at Jesus’ conversation with the teachers, but then Mary told Jesus that she and Joseph had been worried for three days (Luke 2:46-48). Jesus said they should not have worried, because he was starting his Father’s work (Luke 2:49). As an adolescent he felt the normal desire to begin following the passion of his life. However, he returned home and submitted to his parents’ authority for the remaining years of his adolescence (Luke 2:51).

During early adolescence, a child’s body changes to be more like an adult. The child may grow rapidly in height. Hair begins to grow in several places on the body. The voice may become deeper. A father or mother should make sure their child understands that the changes are normal. God planned the normal physical and mental development of humans.

Having a good relationship with your child will help them feel able to have open conversations with you during this part of life. A child who does not feel comfortable talking with a parent about these things may have secret fears and may look for information from friends or online.

Adolescence is not just a continuation of the child’s life like it was before. Parents are wrong to think they can continue to direct and teach the adolescent the same as they would a younger child. The adolescent’s mind and interests are changing. He feels a desire for adult freedom, success, and respect. Adolescents become frustrated if they are treated like younger children.

Throughout scripture there are examples of young people making wise decisions, as did Jesus, or poor decisions, as we read in the story told by Jesus (Luke 15:11-32). Parents need to understand how their son or daughter is developing emotionally. A parent’s goal is to help the young person develop self-control in all areas, including emotions, so that a father or mother’s control is no longer needed.

► Read Ephesians 6:1-4. What specific directions do we get from this passage?

Children are supposed to obey both parents, which implies that a father and mother should cooperate. The passage strongly connects obedience to parents with the obligation to obey God. Parents who do not teach their children to obey are not preparing them to obey God. Allowing children to rebel against you as parents prepares them to rebel against God.

This scripture gives special direction to fathers. Fathers should discipline in a way that does not frustrate or discourage the children from doing what is right. Punishment and correction are necessary, and they do not make the child happy immediately, but the father should be consistent and loving. That means the father should understand something about the emotional development of the child.

The father should not only give correction, but also spiritual nurture and teaching from the Lord. We do not develop our children only by attacking their faults. We must try to understand and encourage our children. We use God’s truth and not only our own requirements. We demonstrate that we also are living in obedience to God.

When a child has learned to honor and obey during their childhood years, the training of an adolescent is much easier! The relationship parents established when the children were young will help during physical, emotional, and spiritual changes the adolescent experiences. There are no directions for making parenting easy, but establishing a good relationship early makes communication possible throughout adolescence.

Parents wish their children would listen, but often a father or mother must listen first. Please, for your sake and theirs - put down your phone, book, work, or anything else you are doing and give them your attention when they need to talk. Listen to them like nothing else matters. Listen without correcting their errors until you really understand what they want to say. They need to feel that you truly value them and their perspectives, and that you respect them as people. Even if they don’t like your advice, they will respect it more after they know you have truly listened.

It may feel difficult to listen when a young person is expressing frustration, anger, or withdrawal. Remember that the young person does not fully understand his own feelings. Sometimes young people say what they say because their emotions are affected by their circumstances, relationships, and bodies. All of these things can affect adolescents’ emotions: stress from school, pressure to be accepted by friends, worry about physical changes, resentment at not feeling valued or respected, what their hormones are doing, and their tiredness from inconsistent sleep habits.

► Read Ecclesiastes 11:9-12:1, 13. How would you explain the commands of these verses to a young person?

The world may excuse careless and immoral behavior in young people, but these verses tell the young person to remember they are accountable to God for their actions. He is their judge.

Teaching God’s Word during the various activities of life is still very important at this stage of life (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). However, it is more difficult, because adolescents become busy with many activities outside of the family group. They have their own interests, educational activities, sports activities, and groups of friends. Their parents cannot be with them all the time, but God is, and parents should be faithful in praying for them. Fathers and mothers should seek wisdom from God in making time for special conversations. It is so important for parents to stay involved and aware of the various aspects of their young person’s life.

► Read 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 together. What responsibility has God given fathers in their relationships with their growing children?

Parents, do not assume that everything is okay just because problems are not obvious. Expect your son or daughter to face temptations and experience weaknesses, because they will! Provide them with accountability for their finances, how they spend their time, the life choices they are making, and their sexual purity. Ask for wisdom and advice from others. Listen to teachers and others who express concerns. Even if you do not agree with someone else’s opinion of your child, you should listen and try to understand your child’s needs.

Pray for your adolescents, and tell them you are praying for them. Let them hear you praying for them. Share with them specific prayers that you are praying. For example, you could say, “I am praying that you will hunger and thirst for righteousness (Matthew 5:6); and that you will thirst after God as deer pants for water (Psalm 42:1). I am asking God to fill you with His Spirit (Ephesians 5:18) so that you will love him with all your heart, soul, and mind and your neighbor [or sibling] as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39).”

► What are other passages of scripture that you can pray over your adolescent?

Last, on this spiritual journey with your adolescents, use the Word of God with them:

• Be an example: Regularly spend personal time studying your Bible. Talk to your son or daughter about what God is teaching you and how you are applying God’s Word in your life. Even if they do not have an enthusiastic response or do not continue the conversation, they are listening and are being impacted by the Word!

• Memorize passages of scripture together as a family and recite the verses at a daily mealtime or at the end of the day.

• Read and talk through the book of Proverbs together one verse at a time. Proverbs is a wonderful book for short devotional times, with practical wisdom for everyday life. It provides opportunities for plenty of conversations and makes a huge impact.

• Instructions, principles, and examples throughout scripture are applicable to all seasons of life, so study all of God’s Word with your sons and daughters.

Luke 2:52, the verse that describes Jesus’ development as an adolescent, says that he also grew in his relationships with others. God is very interested in our relationships. He designed us to have human interaction and fellowship.

Besides family members, we are influenced by classmates, neighbors, church groups, employers, teachers and other leaders, and media. Peers are usually the most influential, for good or bad. Christian parents should monitor the social interactions of their children and young people.

As your young person progresses toward adulthood, carefully and prayerfully consider how much they can handle. On your family’s computers and cellular devices, use passwords and specific apps that can protect your family from accessing evil content. Set time limits for use of devices. Monitor websites, movies, TV programs, and social media platforms. Just as you would not allow your adolescent to spend time with certain people in your neighborhood, do not allow them to follow or connect with the wrong people on their electronic device.

► It is not enough to just protect your young people. In adolescence, you are also preparing your son or daughter to take responsibility for making their own wise decisions that honor God and protect their souls. What are some ways you can teach your adolescent responsibility and accountability in their use of technology and in their social world?

Young people tend to form groups of friends who spend much time together. They learn to share interests, such as enjoyment of the same kinds of entertainment. They begin the share the same attitudes toward the church, their parents, school, and other institutions. Parents are often surprised at the changes in their adolescent’s attitudes. Young people sometimes have unexpected comments and criticisms and use vocabulary that they learned from friends. The group of friends becomes an alternative family that gives its members acceptance. A young person is strongly attracted to an alternative family if his own family does not give him a sense of value, identity, and acceptance.

A parent finds it very difficult to take an adolescent out of a friend group or to limit the group’s influence. When the parent criticizes the group or individuals, the child wants to defend them and feels that the parent does not understand. A father or mother can help the adolescent by showing care, interest, and love. When a parent is meeting the young person’s emotional needs, they do not depend on a friend group to be an alternative family.

► How can parents of several families work together to help their adolescents?

► How can your church support parents of adolescents as they help their young people to have healthy, social lives that honor God?

A child does not become an adult at a single point in time. A child passes through a transition time that lasts several years.

Of all of scripture, the book of Proverbs was particularly written for young people. In Proverbs, King Solomon addressed his son, who was learning about life and developing a worldview. Solomon talked with his son about every area of life, about the rewards of choosing God’s ways and about the dangers of rejecting God’s ways.

The beliefs formed during childhood and in the adolescent years, and the choices made during that time are very important for a person’s life. As we consider several of the challenges of transition to adulthood, we will think about how God’s Word can help us to navigate the adolescent years with our young people.

Challenge 1: The adolescent evaluates all he has been taught and decides what he will believe.

An adolescent wants his beliefs to be clear in his own mind, so he evaluates and questions what he has been taught. There is a possibility that he will not accept everything his parents taught him. Parents fear that risk. If they feel unable to help him understand the issues he is considering, they may begin to treat him like a child again, demanding that he accept their beliefs without question. This makes the adolescent feel that they are not letting him think for himself.

The parent should patiently explain the reasons for beliefs and give the adolescent opportunities to talk with other people who can help to explain.

► Read Proverbs 23:22-23 together.

In these verses, God says that a young person should choose to listen to the wisdom of his parents. A father or mother cannot make this choice for their adolescent, but they can cultivate a good relationship. If parents keep in open and respectful communication with their son or daughter, it will encourage their adolescents to make this choice.

Challenge 2: The adolescent begins to take on responsibility for making decisions.

An adolescent is beginning to understand how decisions are made, and he feels capable of making decisions for himself, but his parents and others limit his choices. He is tempted to rebel against their authority because he thinks they do not realize his capability. If he does rebel, parents naturally tend to respond by limiting him more.

Parents should lay a good foundation for this stage of their children’s lives when they are much younger. They can show their children that what they require of them is for the children’s own good, just as God’s discipline is for our good (Hebrews 12:9-10). Parents can demonstrate that they are not merely making rules that will bring convenience to themselves as parents.

Secondly, parents can gradually give their children responsibility for larger and more important decisions throughout their childhood and adolescent years. This enables the young people to practice responsibility, prove their trustworthiness, and prepare for adulthood.

Parents are still responsible to God to set limits for their adolescents (1 Timothy 3:4), but the adolescent years are ones of preparation for adulthood, when the young person will become fully responsible to God for his or her choices. Parents should prepare their adolescents for this next season. Proverbs is written by a father pleading with his son to make wise decisions. Solomon knew that as a parent he could not make choices for his son, but that he could make the right choices appear most attractive.

Challenge 3: The adolescent doesn’t have the maturity of an adult.

Adolescents may not understand the dangers and risks that concern their parents. Adolescents usually feel that they can accomplish their goals and avoid the dangers. They often feel frustrated that their parents don’t have confidence in their abilities and discernment.

Proverbs shows us that it is important for parents to not just tell their adolescents what is right and wrong or merely set limits for them, but to talk with their adolescents about the consequences of each choice. Listening to this instruction will help the young person to learn to think in a mature way.

► Read 1 Peter 5:5 together.

The smartest thing a young person can do is submit to the authority of his godly parents and listen to their wise advice. As 1 Peter 5:5 shows us, the young person who does this has God’s special favor.

Challenge 4: The adolescent has the desires of an adult but does not have adult privileges.

Adults have opportunities for many privileges including marriage, property ownership, leadership positions, and the freedom to make decisions. Because adolescents cannot yet have these privileges, though they have natural desires for these things, they feel frustration. Their desires cause strong temptations. 2 Timothy 2:22 helps young people know what to do about this dilemma.

► Read 2 Timothy 2:22 together.

God has grace for young people who are willing to obey Him. He will help them to submit to their authorities and deny fulfillment of their own desires that are outside of His timing or will. He will help Christian adolescents to turn these desires into motivation to prepare for adulthood by growing in understanding, character, and life skills.

Challenge 5: The adolescent sees inconsistency in others and is offended by it.

Many times, adolescents have been disappointed by many people who should have been better examples and better spiritual leaders. When this happens, adolescents are tempted to distrust everyone. For this reason, it is essential for you as church leaders and as parents to live consistent, godly lives. Inconsistencies in your life could result in young people spending eternity in hell. Though Jesus was speaking of children, not adolescents, Matthew 18:6 is certainly relevant here.

► Read Matthew 18:6 together.

The Christian young person can be an example for godliness, even if he has not seen it modeled by others. In the Old Testament, Samuel is an example of this. Samuel was raised in a priestly family that was ungodly and corrupt in many ways, yet he decided from a young age to live for God (1 Samuel 1:20; 1 Samuel 2:11-18, 22-26). Even as a child and adolescent, he lived a holy life (1 Samuel 3:19, 21).

► Read 1 Timothy 4:12 together.

Challenge 6: The adolescent is excitedly facing many decisions and opportunities.

Adolescents see a world full of opportunities. They may struggle to find a direction for their lives. They receive conflicting advice from various people.

They think someone should give them what they need to pursue an opportunity. It is important for adolescents to practice being faithful in the small things and to trust God to open up more opportunities for them in his perfect time.

► Read Luke 16:10 together.

It is also important for adolescents to choose to listen to godly counsel.

► Read Proverbs 11:14 together.

Young people will find that there is blessing and freedom in following the ways of God’s wisdom.

► What ideas in this lesson are the most helpful to you? How will they affect you and your family, community, or church?

► If you have been the parent of an adolescent son or daughter, what advice can you share about cultivating an open and respectful relationship with a child in this stage of life? Be honest about your mistakes.

► What are some practical things you can do to help your young people learn to think wisely and make good decisions?

► How do you as a parent know when to expand your child’s privileges and responsibilities?

► Summarize the main responsibilities of a parent and the main responsibilities of the child during adolescence.

► What are some areas of life in which a father should motivate, caution, and guide his children as they grow older?

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for trusting us with the responsibility of raising children to mature adulthood. This responsibility is complicated in many ways, and we must have understanding from you.

In your Word, we have seen our responsibility for teaching our children wisdom, self-control, and obedience to you. We are sorry for the times that we have failed to focus on these priorities in our relationships with our adolescents.

As we read and obey your Word, give us specific wisdom for the needs of our children. It is our greatest desire that they will loyally follow you all the days of their lives.

Amen

(1) Find at least three scripture verses or passages that you can use to pray for the adolescents in your family or under your influence. Look for scripture passages that relate to

• Their spiritual needs

• Their character development

• Things and people that influence them

• Ways that they need to grow and develop

Write these verses where you can see them frequently. Begin to use these scriptures to pray for your young people every day.

(2) Choose two of the group discussion questions from the end of the lesson. Write at least one paragraph in response to each.

(3) Choose a passage of scripture to read:

• Proverbs 4-5

• Proverbs 6

• Proverbs 23

• Proverbs 24

As you read, consider the following questions. From this passage…

• What priorities should the parent of an adolescent have?

• What priorities should an adolescent have?

• What attitudes should the parent of an adolescent have?

• What attitudes should an adolescent have?

• What should the parent of an adolescent do?

• What should an adolescent do?

• What areas of life should a parent and adolescent be talking about?

Write a list of statements summarizing the passage’s messages to the parent of an adolescent. Write a second list of statements summarizing the passage’s messages to an adolescent child.