Lesson 10: The Issue of Childlessness

By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Understand and respond to barrenness from a biblical perspective.

(2) Value each person as one who bears God’s image.

Busaba was born in an Asian country. She was happy when she married a young businessman, and they expected to have a happy life together. Several years passed, and Busaba had no children. A doctor told them that Busaba would be unable to have children. Her husband was very sad and angry. Finally he made the decision to divorce Busaba and marry another woman. Busaba is now old. She lives in a small house alone and has no relatives involved in her life. Because she is Buddhist, she hopes that someday in a future life she will have children and her shame will end.

► If you were a pastor in Busaba’s community, what would you say to her? What is the Christian message to Busaba?

In this lesson we will look at a biblical perspective on the issue of childlessness.

Immediately after God created the first man and woman, he told them to have children and multiply the human population and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28).

In the Old Testament, God sometimes promised blessings not just to an individual but to many generations of a family. For example, God promised blessings to Abraham that would not come to Abraham personally but to later generations. God promised Abraham that his descendants would be like the sand of the sea in quantity. Abraham’s son Isaac was conceived miraculously. Then as the family multiplied with each generation, the increasing numbers demonstrated that God was fulfilling his promise.

In Exodus 23:25-27 God told Israel that he would bless them as they advanced into their new territory. God promised Israel he would bless their food, take away sickness, allow no barrenness or miscarriages, and destroy their enemies. These promises depended on Israel’s obedience, and God described his requirements (such as the command in Exodus 23:32). The promises were made to the nation and not to individuals. Individuals would be affected by the general obedience or disobedience of the nation. For example, a person might be sick, or a woman might be childless, not because of their own sin but because they were in a nation that was not faithful to God. Therefore, a childless woman may not be suffering a consequence of her own sin.

Deuteronomy 7:12-15 is a passage with promises to the nation of Israel. There would be prosperity, no sickness, and no barrenness for humans or animals. Verse 12 says that the Israelites would receive these blessings if they obeyed God because God made a covenant with their fathers. A person in Israel could be poor, or a woman could be childless, if the nation were not faithful to God.

Children were important to God’s plan for his people. In other parts of this course, we talk about how children should be valued because they are made in the image of God. Every child is valuable and should be treated with love and care. However, sometimes people feel that a child is valuable because he can keep the family strong in the future. Sometimes a father values children because they are an extension of his own identity. We need to remember that God gives children for his own purposes (Malachi 2:15).

► The group should look at Psalm 127:3-5 together as someone reads it aloud.

This passage in the Bible says that children are a blessing from God. They are like an inheritance that God blesses. They are a reward from God. They are the future protection and security of the family.

Two blessings that are sometimes spoken of together in scripture are long life and grandchildren. Job was blessed because he had ten children and lived long enough to see four generations (Job 42:13, 16). The blessing of Psalm 128:6 is the gift of living to see your grandchildren.

God blessed the family of Jonadab with the promise that there would always be a man to lead the next generation of the family (Jeremiah 35:19). God promised the family of King David that they would always have a man to sit on the throne (2 Samuel 7:16).

So we see that God’s blessings for a family usually include children, and children are a way that God’s blessings are extended into future generations.

Childlessness in some cases may mean that God has cursed a family. The Bible tells us of cases where God cursed families with barrenness. For example, because King Abimelech did wrong, God stopped all the women of his household from having children until he corrected his wrong (Genesis 20:18). The women were not the guilty ones, but they experienced the result of the king’s sin.

After Adam and Eve sinned, God said that the world would be affected by their sin. The curse included difficult human relationships, pain and sorrow in childbearing, difficult work, the earth’s resistance to cultivation, and finally death (Genesis 3:14-19). Every human since Adam has experienced the curse from birth, even before committing any sins personally. Even Jesus, who was absolutely sinless, entered creation with a human body that endured conditions of the curse. Therefore, we should not say that an individual’s suffering is because of his own sin. We all age, we get sick, we suffer in many ways, and finally die. These problems, along with problems with childbearing, are all results of the first sin of Adam.

Besides the original sin of Adam, we are affected by the sins of our ancestors, because their actions created the society we are born into. We are affected by the sins of our family, community, and nation. Believers everywhere in the world endure conditions created by a society they do not control. A family may experience poverty because they are in a place with little freedom and opportunity. A baby can be born with a physical defect though he has not made any choice to sin (John 9:1-3).

God does not decide about giving children for reasons we can understand. Sometimes people who live in careless, rebellious sin have many children and do not raise them in a way that glorifies God (Psalm 17:14). Sometimes faithful believers do not have children. Certainly we should not assume that a particular person’s sin has resulted in childlessness.

We know that God can intervene with healing and blessing any time he chooses, but in general, believers endure the conditions of the world. We wait in faith for the time when God will renew his creation (Romans 8:18-23).

It is not fair to blame a woman for being childless, as if her own sin caused a curse. Likewise, when an unborn baby dies before birth, the death usually is not because of anything the mother did. Individuals suffer in many ways because of Adam’s sin, the sins of others, and the general condition of the world. Because everyone has sinned, humanity shares together the guilt for the world’s condition, but individuals suffer in various specific ways.

Jesus showed the love of God when he healed and did other miracles. Throughout the history recorded in the Bible, we see many examples of God’s miracles for his people.

God wants us to live happily and without suffering in a world of beauty (Genesis 1:28, 31, 1 Timothy 6:17). However, God’s first priority is to save us from sin so we can enjoy an eternal relationship with him. The salvation of sinners takes time because people must make the decision to repent and believe. If God ended all suffering now, few people would repent, because they would not understand the evil of sin. So right now, suffering in general must continue while the gospel is preached throughout the world. We cannot expect miracles to solve all of our problems and take away all of our suffering, though God does miracles for us occasionally. Ultimately, all suffering will end for those who come into relationship with God. But in the meantime, God grieves with us in our suffering (John 11:35) and comforts us in many ways (2 Corinthians 1:3-7).

One of God’s miracles is to make a childless woman a mother of children (Psalm 113:9).

The Bible records at least six times when God gave a son to a childless woman. Though God has performed this miracle many other times, these six times were recorded because the children were important in history. Isaac was born to Sarah (Genesis 21:1-3). Jacob and Esau were born to Rebekah (Genesis 25:21, 25-26). Joseph was born to Rachel (Genesis 30:22-24). Samson was born to the wife of Manoah (Judges 13:2-3, 24). Samuel was born to Hannah (1 Samuel 1:20). John was born to Elizabeth (Luke 1:13, 57).

In each of these six cases, the couple had experienced sorrow because the wife was childless. In the biblical record, God did not blame anyone for the woman’s lack of a child. The Bible gives no implication that God was displeased by either parent. Luke 1:5-7 says that Zechariah and Elizabeth were righteous before God, completely obeying his commandments, yet they were childless until old age. There is no record that any of the parents in these six accounts repented or confessed sin as they prayed for a miracle. God’s messages to the parents do not mention any reason that they had not had children already. These cases illustrate the fact that people should not be individually blamed for childlessness.

It is appropriate for us to pray that God will give the blessing of children, but ultimately, we must accept God’s decision. We should not assume that it is God’s will to give a child in every case, just as God does not heal every case of sickness or take away every kind of suffering.

The Apostle Paul prayed three times about something he said was like a thorn in his flesh (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). We don’t know what the specific problem was, but it seems like it was something physical. It was something that he hoped God would change, so he prayed for a miracle. God told him that instead of removing the thorn, he would give grace that would be greater than the weakness. Paul said that this specific weakness would bring glory to God because it helped him show God’s power. Paul went on to say that he would be happy about weaknesses and sufferings, because they provide a condition so that God can be glorified.

The Apostle Paul was a man of great faith, but he did not always receive the miracles he wanted. He accepted God’s will. Though we always prefer a miracle of blessing from God, we must accept God’s decisions. Sometimes he is more glorified by the way he works through our weaknesses.

► Give an example of a time when God showed his care in your life without doing a miracle you hoped for.

Cultures are not all alike in how they value children. In some countries, families want to have many children. The children can help with the work that supports the family. The members of the extended family, with cousins and uncles and others, protect and care for the members when needed. Each wife in the extended family wants to add members by having children. A man who has many children, especially sons, is important in the extended family. The family is expected to take care of elderly family members.

In other countries, most families live in cities or towns and are supported by the father’s and mother’s employment. In the city, children are less able to help support the family. Children may be expensive to support and educate. Over time, as families live in the city for several generations, they may want fewer children. Many urban families want only one or two children.

The value of children is so strong in many cultures that every couple must have children in order to feel respected and valued. A childless woman feels that she is failing in her most important role. A woman who never marries feels ashamed because she does not have children and was not chosen to be someone’s wife.

In many cultures families want to have sons to lead and strengthen the family in the next generation. Daughters are valued much less. Baby girls may be aborted or abandoned. Some countries have made it illegal to find out the gender of an unborn baby ahead of time, because so many families kill unborn daughters. We know from scripture that girls have dignity and value equal to that of boys, because they are all made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Therefore, families who are following Christ ought to equally value both sons and daughters, no matter what is normal in their culture.

If a family has a strong need to be proud of a child, they may reject a baby who is handicapped physically or mentally. In some countries, many handicapped children are in orphanages because their parents didn’t want them. This treatment of children is wrong, because they are made in the image of God and are precious in his sight, regardless of their capabilities or limitations.

In some cultures the practice of polygamy is based on the value of children. A man wants to multiply his children by having several wives. The Bible tells us that God’s plan is for a man to have one wife (Genesis 2:22-24, 1 Timothy 3:2).

The Old Testament records times when a wife would give a female servant to her husband in order to have children. The wife gained status from her servant’s children. Rachel and Leah, wives of Jacob, each gave a female servant to Jacob in order to gain status through more children.

The use of servants for adding children caused complicated relationships. Sarai gave Hagar to Abraham, expecting that her own status would be better if Hagar had a baby (Genesis 16:2-6). Hagar became pregnant and felt superior to Sarai. Sarai punished her severely, trying to establish her own authority.

Lelia was born in a West African country. After being married three years she still had no child. In Lelia’s culture, adopting a baby does not take away a woman’s shame of not having a baby of her own. Lelia found a woman in a poor village family who was pregnant and arranged to buy her baby. Lelia wore something under her shirt to make herself look pregnant for several months. When it was time for the baby to be born, Lelia pretended to go away to a hospital for childbirth, then came home with the baby from the village.

If a family wants children primarily for their benefit to the family, they may fail to value a child as a human being made in the image of God. They may refuse to love and accept a handicapped child. They may reject a daughter because they want a son. They make a childless woman feel ashamed and worthless. They do not see the value of adopting orphans or homeless children. All of these attitudes and actions are selfish and wrong. We insult our Creator when we treat individuals badly for any of these reasons (Exodus 4:11, Proverbs 14:31).

Henry VIII was king of England from 1509-1547. He desperately wanted a son. Because his wife had a daughter but not a son who survived, Henry divorced her and married another woman. When his second wife failed to have a son, he accused her of treason and ordered her execution.

Medical science has proven that a man’s sperm determines the gender of a child. The woman’s body does not determine whether she will have a son or daughter. However, many men have been angry at their wives because they have daughters and not sons.

A man named Joseph and his wife had two daughters. When Joseph’s wife went to the hospital to deliver her third child, Joseph hoped for a son. The third child was a daughter. Joseph was so angry that he refused to go to the hospital to visit his wife or to pay the hospital bill.

In Job 24, Job gave a long description of the actions of an evil man. One action mentioned is that the evil man treats a childless woman badly (Job 24:21). God is not pleased when a childless woman is treated unkindly.

► How does your culture value children? What are some reasons that people want to have children?

► What injustices happen because of customs in your culture?

In the six accounts recorded in scripture when God gave a son to a childless woman, the parents were not blamed in any way for previously being childless. In fact, the couples were specially chosen by God to be parents of special sons. Zechariah and Elizabeth were called righteous (Luke 1:5-6). We should never assume that a woman is childless because she has not pleased God.

Job 24:21 says that mistreating a childless woman is the action of a wicked person. God does not judge or mistreat the childless woman, and neither should we.

In Isaiah 56:4-5 God speaks to the man who is unable to father children. God says that if this man obeys God and lives in his covenant, he will have a position and a reputation that is better than he would have from having sons and daughters.

The Apostle Paul called himself the father of Timothy (1 Timothy 1:2) and Titus (Titus 1:4) and Onesimus (Philemon 10). He called himself the father of the Corinthian believers (1 Corinthians 4:15). He was not their biological father, but their spiritual father. To be their spiritual father was more important.

Matthew 12:46-50 tells us of a time when Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him while he was teaching. Jesus asked his listeners, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” He then said that the people who do the will of God are his brothers, and sisters, and mother. We know that Jesus cared about his family; even on the cross he arranged care for his mother (John 19:26-27). But Jesus was saying that spiritual family is even more important than biological family.

The family of faith does not replace the biological family, but a person’s place in the family of faith gives him or her the most important identity. The terms brother and sister used in the church show the importance of the relationships in the family of faith (Colossians 1:2).

Deborah was a prophetess who served as a judge for Israel (Judges 4:4). Deborah also led the nation of Israel through a war for freedom from an oppressing nation. In Judges 5:7, Deborah called herself a mother in Israel. The Bible never mentions Deborah’s biological children, but she was a mother for Israel because she cared for the people with her leadership.

The Apostle Peter said that women who follow the example of Sarah are her daughters. Imagine the great status that is given to Sarah with that statement! This is a status based on her example of faith and obedience, not her role as mother of Isaac.

All people who have been saved by grace through faith are called children of Abraham (Galatians 3:7). Abraham is given high honor as the father of millions of believers. From the examples of Abraham and Sarah we see that God highly honors spiritual fatherhood and motherhood.

The Apostle Paul described the advantages of being unmarried. The unmarried person can focus on pleasing God without many other responsibilities (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Even though the unmarried person is childless, Paul said that singleness is best if the person can live a life that is pure. Because of these statements, we can be sure that singleness is God’s will for some people.

Like singleness, there are advantages to childlessness. Just as God has special opportunities for those who are single, he has opportunities for those who are married but childless. Though they did not choose to be childless, they should do their best to work for God.

In singleness, childlessness, and any other condition we have, we can trust that God will work through us to bring spiritual benefits to us and to others (Romans 8:28).

There are many children who lack caring parents. It is likely that nobody will serve this need in their lives unless some individuals or couples in the family of faith make an effort to show love to them.

We are called to present our bodies as sacrifices to God, to live in devotion to God (Romans 12:1).

1. Children are a blessing from God, and it is right for a couple to pray that God would give them children.

2. It is wrong to assume that it is always God’s will to miraculously give a child. He does not always choose to give a child, just as he does not always do a miracle for every other need.

3. It is wrong to blame a woman or couple for childlessness. The human condition has been affected by the sin of Adam, the sin of our ancestors, and the sins of our society.

4. We should equally love and value both sons and daughters because they are people made in the image of God.

5. A person can be a spiritual father or mother who influences many generations even without biological children.

6. God gives special opportunities of ministry to unmarried and childless people.

7. We should devote ourselves to God and glorify him in the conditions he chooses for us.

Unfortunately, churches in many places have followed their own cultures more than God’s Word when they deal with the issue of childlessness.

A pastor should teach his people to view childlessness with a biblical perspective, especially as summarized in the previous section.

If the pastor is praying for a miracle for a childless couple, he should not put the responsibility for faith on the wife or husband. When Jesus healed a small child or raised the dead, the person healed or raised did not have faith for his own miracle. If the pastor is confident that God wants to do the miracle, the pastor should have faith and not blame the wife or husband for a lack of faith.

In Romans 12:15, we are told to weep with those who weep. A pastor should be aware of the grief of the people in his congregation. He should take the initiative to encourage and comfort those who are grieving because of childlessness or the loss of a child. A couple also grieves the death of an unborn child who did not live until birth. Remember that both the wife and the husband are suffering, even though they show it in different ways. A pastor should not wait for grieving people to come to him for counsel. A pastor should teach his congregation to be encouraging and supportive of each other.

The pastor should lead the congregation in building relationships and caring for older couples or individuals who are childless. Members of the family of faith should treat them as parents or grandparents by showing love, spending time together, and helping with practical needs.

The pastor should help unmarried and childless people to find ways to serve and bless the church and community. The pastor should affirm the importance of every person in the family of faith.

► How do people in your culture view children? How do they view childlessness?

► How do believers in your culture view children? How do believers in your culture tend to view childlessness?

► How has your understanding of barrenness changed or been challenged by studying the scriptural principles presented in this lesson?

► Are there any couples who may be struggling with infertility within your church family? If so, how can your church be supportive and provide a safe place for them to share their struggles?

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for Christian families. Thank you for husbands and wives who are living for you, and for what they contribute to your kingdom.

We pray for those couples who are experiencing barrenness. We pray that you will comfort and encourage their hearts. Help them to know that your love for them is steadfast, regardless of their inability to have children.

If it is your will for them to have biological children, we trust you to make it possible in your time. Whether or not you give them their own children, help them to be spiritual fathers and mothers to others.

Help all believers to value each person as those made in your image.

Amen

(1) Write a two-page paper in which you:

• Describe your society’s perspectives regarding children and barrenness.

• Explain scripture’s teaching about children.

• Explain scripture’s teaching about barrenness.

• Explain from scriptural principles why a married couple should not be blamed for their barrenness.

(2) Encourage those dealing with barrenness.

Option 1: Describe in writing how you can demonstrate your compassion and care for someone you know who is dealing with the grief of barrenness. Be specific in naming some things you could do or say that would be a blessing to your brother or sister in Christ.

Option 2: Write a short note of encouragement to someone you know who is dealing with the grief of barrenness. Try to understand what they are experiencing. Let them know that you care about how they are feeling. Tell them you are praying for them. When you give them the note, be available to listen to them or demonstrate your care for them in an appropriate way.

Before continuing to Lesson 11, the class should study and discuss Appendix B. This is a brief discussion of birth control, an important topic related to marriage and family.