Lesson 24: A Christian’s Speech

“There are biblical principles for my conversation.”

To learn nine scriptural rules that help a Christian’s conversation glorify God.

There is an old statement that says, “The pen is more powerful than the sword.”

► What does that mean?

It means that there is power in an idea, in persuasion, in communication. You can accomplish more by motivating people than by forcing them. An idea—a concept—can spread and influence many people.

The Bible talks about the power of words to do either good or harm. The plan of salvation is being finished by the power of the gospel, entrusted to human messengers.

Biblical Principles for Conversation

How can we use our words to accomplish good and avoid harm? The Bible gives some principles.

(1) Don’t talk too much.

A fool multiplies words... (Ecclesiastes 10:14).

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent (Proverbs 10:19).

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent (Proverbs 17:28).

So don’t talk too much. An excessive talker does not properly value either his own words or others’ words. He says things that he doesn’t really mean, and he assumes that other people do the same. He gives opinions without knowledge. You don’t have to give an opinion about something you don’t know; not every opinion is of equal value.

(2) Don’t speak before you think.

Don’t let your feelings cause you to make statements that you will regret.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19).

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back (Proverbs 29:11).

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly (Proverbs 14:29).

(3) Don’t judge a situation at first sight.

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame (Proverbs 18:13).

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him (Proverbs 18:17).

Most conflicts are based on misunderstandings. Time and carefulness can usually resolve them. If a person with a reputation for honesty says something that seems wrong to you, don’t be quick to judge him.

Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears (Proverbs 26:17).

(4) Be careful with humor.

Because of the effect that words can have, uncontrolled humor is like a weapon in the hands of a crazy man.

Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” (Proverbs 26:18-19).

Don’t cause people to make serious mistakes because of believing your joke. Don’t tell them you are serious when you are not—they will not believe you again. Don’t make fun of defects that people can’t help. Don’t joke about someone’s failures. Don’t tell jokes that make sin seem trivial.

(5) Don’t say anything to the wrong person.

There are many situations in which that can happen.

Relationships for spiritual accountability require confidentiality. You have great potential to help and heal others if you can keep things confidential. People will not trust you with personal information if they think you will tell others.

Do not spread information about people’s mistakes.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered (Proverbs 11:13).

For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases (Proverbs 26:20).

There are times when something may need to be said, but you may not be the right person to say it. You cannot say it in the place of the authority who ought to say it.

A coward tells the wrong people about his conflict instead of following the procedure in Matthew 18:15-17.

Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret (Proverbs 25:9).

(6) Be careful with criticism.

There is a right time and way to criticize.

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend... (Proverbs 27:5-6a).

Make sure your criticism is intended to build, and not to destroy. You should demonstrate that you care about the person you are criticizing and that you want to help them. Usually a healthy relationship is necessary before your criticism can help.

(7) Don’t deceive.

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices (Colossians 3:9).

Deception fits in the sinful life, not in the Christian life.

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight (Proverbs 12:22).

(8) Keep your speech pure.

Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving (Ephesians 5:4).

Don’t tell about past or present scandals except when appropriate to officially deal with a situation. Don’t tell jokes that you must tell secretively. People of the world commonly use sexual terms or terms for private body parts in their exclamations, but that is not appropriate for a Christian. It is irreverent to use terms referring to God or Jesus as an exclamation in a time of stress, unless you are sincerely calling upon God for help.

(9) Don’t divide people with your words.

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends (Proverbs 16:28).

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him... [the seventh] one who sows discord among brothers (Proverbs 6:16, 19).

Don’t try to make yourself look better at another’s expense. Don’t cause conflict between others. Don’t hurt the effectiveness of someone’s ministry by gossip.

Before speaking, consider not only “Is it true?” but also “Why should I say it?”

A Christian should be willing to apologize if he realizes he has done harm with his words. He should be willing to correct anything that he said if he realizes it was not accurate.

Harmful and offensive words from others do not justify wrong words from you.

There are some errors in speech that you can gradually improve. For example, you can learn to think before speaking. There are other errors that show a problem in the heart, such as the desire to hurt someone with your words. If you are guilty of that kind of speech, you need to ask God to forgive you and to cleanse your heart of that tendency.

Your speech reveals much about your heart. Don’t damage your Christian testimony by speaking in a way that is not consistent with Christian values.

Your speech can bless those around you. Most ministry consists of communication. The effect of your words can be greatly increased if you follow biblical principles.

Most people see the faults of others’ speech, but not their own. Share an example of a time when you failed to follow one of these principles, or admit which one you are weakest in. Then ask members to choose a principle they are weak in and to commit to improving with God’s help.

Heavenly Father,

Help me to remember the effects that my conversation can have, and to take responsibility for my words. I want my words to accomplish good and not harm.

I want my testimony for you to be respected.

Help me to be pure, honest, kind, and careful.

Thank you for the privilege of communicating your truth.

Amen

Study James 3. Observe the great potential of conversation described here. In verses 13-18 notice how speech flows naturally from the person’s spiritual condition.