Lesson 22: Relationships

“God’s principles guide and fulfill my relationships.”

To apply the principles of love, peace, and respect.

You could not have the Christian qualities of patience and forgiveness without being in relationship with other people.

► What are some other Christian qualities and activities that require other people? (Love, unity, fellowship, accountability, kindness.)

These things happen in relationships with other people. The qualities can be developed and demonstrated only in relationships. That means that our relationships with people have much effect on our spiritual development.

There are at least three principles in scripture that apply to any kind of human relationship: the principles of peace, love, and respect.

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

This verse states the importance of relationships very emphatically. Holiness is closely connected to pursuing peace with everyone.

To pursue peace, you will at least give every person the treatment that you owe him. To those whom you owe gratitude, respect, or obedience, you must give it. If you don’t, you are guilty of causing conflict. If you fail to fulfill your responsibilities, keep your promises, or pay what you should to others, you are not pursuing peace. When you realize you have failed to give what you should, you should seek forgiveness and fulfill your obligations as much as you can.

But to pursue peace requires more than giving what you owe. It includes giving the love and kindness you do not owe.

If you want peace you will seek reconciliation when there is a conflict. You will be willing to forgive and to be forgiven. You will not be quick to assume that peace cannot be restored. You will not easily accept a permanent separation.

Jesus said that you must go to the person who wronged you and explain to him what he has done (Matthew 18:15). If you consider the matter too small to be worth confrontation, then you should not tell others about it or hold resentment against the wrongdoer.

Jesus said that we must be willing to forgive 77 times (Matthew 18:21-22). A common reason that people leave the church and give up spiritually is resentment of mistreatment from Christians. Resentment often comes before other kinds of spiritual failure.

When a person refuses to forgive, he puts an area of his life in resistance to God’s authority, for God requires us to forgive. That area becomes a territory from which Satan can affect other parts of the life. If a person refuses to forgive, he will soon be unable to resist temptations that seem totally unrelated.

The basis of every personal offense is our value of our rights. Because we believe we deserve certain treatment or respect, we are offended when we do not receive it. We believe we deserve better than we get.

The key to forgiving others is to understand redemption. To redeem means to buy back. Since God has redeemed us, we belong to him, and our rights belong to him. We must consciously yield our rights to God. You can pray, “Lord, I know that all my rights belong to you. I want you to take charge of them and give me only what you see is good for me to have.” Then, when people treat you well, you can thank God that he allowed that privilege to you. When someone treats you badly, you can remember that God has charge of your rights, and he saw that you could be better developed without having that right at that time.

Worldly counselors often give advice aimed at helping you manipulate and change the person who gives you problems. That is not the priority.

By forgiving others, you are submitting to God and letting him develop you as he chooses. This principle of surrendering your rights to God applies to every human relationship. (Other references to forgiveness include Colossians 3:13, Matthew 6:15, and Romans 12:19.)

The person to whom we owe nothing we still must treat with love. Because we have received grace, we are in debt to God. We cannot pay him back. He has no needs, but he has told us to give to others the undeserved love that we have received.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other (Romans 13:8).

Love is evidence that a person is a real Christian.

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen (1 John 4:20).

There is a special love among Christian believers, and Jesus takes personally your actions and attitudes toward other believers. He will say at the judgment, “As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40).

But Christian love is to be expressed not only toward other Christians.

In Matthew 5:44-45 Jesus said,

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Some people find it difficult to be kind to those who offend them, but there is never an excuse to be rude. We are not to treat people as they deserve. We are to treat them with love and kindness whether they seem to deserve it or not. We need to remember that when we were sinners, we were not fit for God’s love, but he loved us anyway (Titus 3:2-3).

► If I offered you for free a hundred-dollar bill that is dirty and torn, would you want it? Would you reject it because it is dirty and torn?

You would take it because it has a value that does not depend on its condition.

Every person deserves respect because human beings are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). The image of God gives every person inherent value.

Even if a person does not have high intelligence, or lacks skills, training, and anything else that could make him successful or useful by ordinary standards, he has value because he is a person made in the image of God.

A person’s inherent value remains even if he has made himself less valuable in other ways by foolish choices. He may have dropped out of school, destroyed his health, and formed bad habits, but he is valuable as a person with an immortal soul in the image of God.

Because of the inherent value of the image of God in man, respect should be demonstrated in every contact between people. Courtesy is the minimum.

Manipulation and deception are wrong, because every person makes choices with eternal consequences and needs to know the real factors for a decision. To cause a person to do something right for the wrong reason is not a success, for he still hasn’t made the right choice.

As much as possible, we should treat a person respectfully even when his behavior is wrong. Even correction of mistakes and punishment of wrongdoing (by those who have the proper authority to do it) are done with consciousness that we are dealing with immortal beings with something of God’s nature.

The Bible gives directions for relationships that are based on the principles of peace, love, and respect. There are directions for relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, employers and employees, pastors and churches, and elderly people and young people.

There should be abundant examples of applying these principles.

Share and ask for examples of when someone made an effort to follow peace.

Share and ask for a commitment from members to forgive those against whom they have had resentment.

► When could a person show someone more love than they seem to deserve?

► Discuss what it means to treat a person with respect even when his behavior is wrong.

Heavenly Father,

Help me to live by the scriptural principles of peace, love, and respect in all my relationships.

I want to be forgiving to those who do wrong against me. Help me to seek reconciliation with those who are in conflict with me.

I want to have love for others that is beyond ordinary human patience.

Help me to respect every person as someone made in your image.

Amen

Read Ephesians 5:22–6:9 for specific directions for behavior in various relationships. List what you should do differently in your relationships.