Lesson 11: Personal Discipline: The Tongue and the Thought Life

Note to class leader: Review the main points of Lesson 10. Ask students who are willing to share their personal prayers from Lesson 10.

By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Understand the importance of personal discipline to being formed into the image of Christ.

(2) Learn how to discipline the tongue and begin practicing this discipline.

(3) Learn how to take captive every thought and begin practicing this discipline.

Personal Discipline in Speech

Even as a college student preparing for ministry, I began to feel the spiritually draining influence of my undisciplined tongue. I’m afraid I grieved the Spirit often. I began to see the wisdom of the Holy Spirit when he inspired these words: “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”[1] I promised the Lord that if he would give me the grace, I would yield my tongue to him. Admittedly, practicing restraint in the area of the tongue has been one of the most difficult exercises of my Christian life; but I am realizing that the more skilled we become in this area, the more peace, anointing, and respect we will enjoy.

Personal Discipline in Fasting

At the beginning of a new year, a spiritual leader challenged his team to 21 days of fasting and prayer. For several weeks he announced it. He asked team members to sign up if they would participate. But right before the fast was to begin, he stood before his team and laughingly said that he was going to delay the start of the fast because of a meeting he was scheduled to attend where some of his favorite food would be served. Needless to say, the planned corporate fast was a failure.

► These snapshots illustrate the impact of personal discipline on our personal and spiritual lives, and even on our leadership. How do you think a lack of personal discipline adds to spiritual instability?

[1] Proverbs 10:19

In his classic book The Disciplined Life, Richard S. Taylor writes, “Discipline is what most modern men need the most but want the least.... Too often young people who leave home, students who quit school, husbands and wives who seek divorce, church members who neglect services, employees who walk out on their jobs are simply trying to escape discipline.”[1]

In Lesson 6, I gave the illustration of my father-in-law’s beautiful Bradford Pear tree. It is a beautiful tree ... with a leaning trunk which, because of its size, can no longer be straightened. This tree reminds us that the forming of healthy disciplines and practices while your mind, heart, and relationships are still young is so important. A pure mind, a disciplined life, excellent skill, healthy relationships, and a close walk with God will not just happen. These must be nurtured and cultivated with utmost diligence. And if you wait too long, everything truly good in your life may be bent in ways you won’t be able to straighten.

Just as an athlete cannot become excellent in their sport apart from constant practice, no believer will be formed into the image of Christ apart from training. We have learned in this course that part of our training exercises include the classic spiritual disciplines – prayer, solitude, meditation, service, and so on. But in these next two lessons we will focus on another aspect of our training – personal discipline, or self-mastery.

[1] Richard S. Taylor, The Disciplined Life (Bloomington: Bethany House, 2002), Kindle LOC 22

Growing in the image of Christ cannot be separated from personal discipline. In the next two lessons, we will discuss six areas where personal training or discipline is vital to spiritual formation:

1. Speech
2. Thought life, including sexual desires
3. Appetite
4. Temperament
5. Time
6. Personal convictions

In this lesson, we will examine two of these personal disciplines and explore the influence that each of them holds over our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. We will seek to gain practical wisdom for bringing our whole being under the rule of Christ.

What is Personal Discipline?

Personal discipline is the ability to regulate conduct by principle and sound judgment rather than emotion, desires, pressure, or cultural customs.[1] In personal discipline, we labor to subordinate every thought, every desire, and every appetite to the Holy Spirit, for the sake of knowing Christ and winning the “imperishable crown”:

"Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath (winner’s medal), but we an imperishable. So, I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."[2]

► What does Paul say could happen to him without self-discipline?

It is important to note that personal discipline alone doesn’t make us better Christians, or even Christians at all. Discipline for the sake of self-improvement is often motivated by pride. The proper motive for self-control is to be controlled and empowered by the Holy Spirit – to allow his glory to shine in and through his temple!

The spiritual disciplines, as well as personal disciplines, are a means of grace. They do not make me more righteous, but they do place me in a position to receive more from God. Discipline is a way to draw near to God so that God can meet with me. Discipline is a way to hold a clean, empty cup up to God so that he can fill it!

Is Personal Discipline Really That Important?

It’s interesting that Paul’s writing to Timothy includes “without self-control” among the sins of the “perilous times” of the last days.[3] From these two passages alone, we learn that a lack of self-control is a serious problem in the Christian life with painful, and sometimes eternal, consequences.

► Have you heard Christians joke about their lack of self-control – overeating, oversleeping, overspending, etc.? Do you think Christians around you take this topic seriously enough? Why? Or why not?

Why Personal Discipline, or Self-Mastery, Is So Important

(1) God wants to be glorified in our body, not just our heart, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit.[4]

(2) There is nothing as unbecoming of a spiritual leader, nor as devouring of his or her influence, as an unconquered body – a body not being daily brought under the control of the Holy Spirit.

An unrestrained passion, an undisciplined use of time, an untamed tongue, an uncontrolled temper, and an unrestrained desire for food, money, or sex will quench the Spirit, cast shadows on the Christian worker’s credibility, and lessen their reward. The first rule of success for the spiritual athlete, competing for the prize, is to rule ourselves.

Richard Taylor tells the story of Igor Gorin, a famous Ukrainian-American singer who loved to smoke. One day his voice teacher said, “Igor, you will have to make up your mind whether you are going to be a great singer or a great pipe smoker.” The pipe went. Self-discipline is necessary to become the person God wants you to become.

[1] Ibid, LOC 160.

[2] 1 Corinthians 9:25-27, English Standard Version, emphasis added

[3] 2 Timothy 3:3

[4] Romans 8:11; 1 Corinthians 6:19

There are two passages that will help form our understanding of the tongue and its influence over our lives: James 3:2 and Matthew 15:18-19.

► Read these two passages.

In Matthew 15, Jesus reminds us of the inseparable link between the heart and the tongue: “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart.”[1]

The Influence of the Tongue in Everyday Life and Relationships

Jesus is teaching here that we are what we say. This is simple, but very hard for some of us to admit. If our words are angry it’s because we are still angry to a degree. If our words are insensitive, it’s because there remains in our hearts elements of insensitivity. If our words are sharp, cutting, or manipulative it’s because there remains within us disrespectful regard for the personhood and freedom of others. If we speak boastfully or defensively, there is doubtless a degree of pride remaining in us. If we speak critically of others, it’s because we still have a critical spirit to some degree. If we murmur and complain, it’s because we are yet unthankful. The fruit of our lips is, doubtless, the most flawless judge of our character.

► Take a few moments to reflect on Jesus’ words here. Are you willing to admit that if character is measured by what comes out of your mouth you still need God’s transforming grace? Are you willing to share some areas of need?

James talks about a “perfect man.” What does he mean by “perfect”? Perfect in what sense? Perfect in the sense that he does not stumble in word and therefore has absolute or “perfect” control of his entire self. Perfect in the sense that he has reached a level of self-restraint in his speech which makes it possible to restrain or govern every other action and passion of his life as well. According to James, there is a man who has gained such control over his tongue that every other area of his life comes to order as well, “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” (emphasis added).

The following quotes will help reinforce the meaning of this text:

“'The same is able to bridle the whole body'—that is, the whole man. And doubtless some are able to do this, and so are in this sense perfect."[2]

"[James’] object is not to represent the man as absolutely spotless in every sense and as wholly free from sin... but the design is to show that if a man can control his tongue, he has complete dominion over himself, as much as a man has over a horse by the bit or as a steersman has over a ship if he has hold of the rudder. He is perfect in that sense, that he has complete control over himself and will not be liable to error in anything. The design is to show the important position which the tongue occupies, as governing the whole man."[3]

Think about this practically. Isn’t it true that when the tongue is silent and poised, even when provoked it has a calming, quieting effect on the whole life? And isn’t it true that when we speak our words thoughtfully and respectfully, heated exchanges are often turned into constructive ones, and love and unity are preserved?

Don’t you find that a timely word gently spoken is often rewarded by love and affection? Or that an exhortation or loving rebuke is often rewarded by the preservation of a soul? Truly, our tongue is the rudder of our life. When it’s working well, it will steer you safely through troubled waters; but when it’s broken, it will put your life at the mercy of storms you yourself have created.

When I was a boy, I heard a humorous fable of a boastful turtle who wanted to fly. One day when a large bird landed in his pond, the turtle had a very clever idea. He asked the bird to take him on a flight. “That’s impossible!” the bird scoffed. “No, it isn’t!” said the turtle. “All you have to do is bite down on one end of this stick while I bite down on the other end. Then, fly!” The bird agreed. All went well until people on the ground looked up and saw this amazing sight of a bird flying with a stick in his beak and a turtle holding on to the other end with his strong jaws. “I wonder who thought up such a clever, brilliant idea!” someone shouted, and the turtle heard him. He opened his mouth to boast, “I did...!” Those were, of course, his last words! Like many of us, his tongue was his destruction.

Some Practical Tips for Training Your Tongue

(1) Learn the value of words and use them sparingly: “Idle chatter leads only to poverty.[4]

Too much talking will impoverish the soul as too much spending will drain the budget. Many have discovered that the too much conversation can lead to mental and spiritual poverty, especially when it lacks purpose. Part of being formed into the image of Christ is to weigh our words more carefully, as He did. This is not as easy as it may seem, because silence makes many of us uncomfortable.

(2) Learn the destructive potential of words and rule your spirit: “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!”[5]

Proverbs reminds us, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit, than he who takes a city.”[6] The words of an immature person burn out of control. Rather than heal, they wound; rather than calming, they stir up strife; rather than cool, they heat up the passions to the boiling point. We must learn the discipline of stopping every conversation when emotions get overheated.

(3) Learn that reputation is built by words, and use them wisely: “Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.”[7]

It may surprise you that the Scriptures have much to say about the wisdom of a quiet spirit.[8] It would be a pretty dull and boring world if everyone lived in quiet reserve; but as Christians we must develop the skill of listening and thoughtful interaction rather than careless, aimless speaking.

Attention is often given to the most vocal man or woman in the crowd, even if they have little to say; but God values the person who knows when to speak and when to hold his peace. God values the person who thinks before he speaks.

God sees the gentle and quiet woman as most irresistibly beautiful and attractive. History has proven that the gentle and quiet spirit of a godly woman has the power to move the hearts of kings and nations.[9]

(4) Learn the power of words to kill and to give life:[10] “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”[11]

The things we say have the power to heal or wound, restore or destroy, encourage or dishearten. As a father, I have witnessed the effect of words and healthy expectations on my children. One day, several of us dads were watching our boys try to shimmy to the top of a tall metal pole. After three or four unsuccessful attempts, my son Timothy was about to give up when I said, “Hey, don’t give up yet, son! I believe you can make it if you really try!” The effect of those words was amazing. The fact that his dad believed in him encouraged my boy to try harder than he ever had. As he started climbing again, this time he gave it every effort. As he climbed I shouted, “Keep going, son! Don’t quit! You can make it! Keep climbing!” And he did make it!

I’m convinced that oftentimes the difference between success and failure in the church and in the home is a word of comfort or encouragement. Remember how we said in another lesson that even God the Father spoke audible words of affirmation to God the Son at critical moments in the Son’s earthly life.[12] If Jesus needed to hear words of comfort, how much more do we.

Our words are often prophetic. If we say to a child, “You’re a failure,” they’ll be more likely to fail. If we say, “You’re not as beautiful or gifted as your siblings,” then they will begin to think of themselves as ugly and their attitude will turn ugly as well. If, on the other hand, we focus on our children’s strengths, rather than their weaknesses, and look for ways to bolster their confidence, we will be amazed by the results. Sadly, many children and adults live their whole lives thinking they have been nothing but a disappointment to those who are supposed to love them unconditionally; and it should not surprise us when they consistently underachieve – socially, academically, and spiritually.

Is your church and home a place where words are used for edification? Husbands, do you tell your wife she is beautiful? Do you express your appreciation for her love and service with words of affirmation? A wife who hears such things from her husband will most likely become an even more beautiful, spiritual person! This goes for daughters, as well. Wives, do you compare your husband with other men, maybe your father, and constantly remind him of his failures; or do you focus on those qualities for which you can be grateful? Men who are respected and encouraged become better men.

Pastor, have you helped establish an atmosphere of encouragement in your church, or do you just focus on the negative qualities of people? Paul said that as the time of Christ’s coming draws nearer and the day of the Lord approaches, we will need more and more comfort and encouragement within the body of Christ: “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting [parakaleo - comfort] one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”[13]

We must balance our words of rebuke with sincere words of encouragement. It has been very helpful for me to think of my words as currency which I am constantly depositing and spending. Every time I encourage someone, I am making small deposits in their hearts which, after many such deposits, has earned for me the right of withdrawal (correct or rebuke). I have learned, through some painful experiences, that attempting to rebuke or correct a person we have rarely or never encouraged will only create a gap in our relationship which is difficult or impossible to bridge.

(5) Know that the tongue cannot be tamed by ourselves alone, but by the Holy Spirit: “For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”[14]

It would be easier for us to tame a wild animal than to tame our tongue without the grace of God! Our battle with the tongue reminds us of our need to be cleansed and filled with the Holy Spirit. This is Isaiah’s story. In the presence of God, it was his unclean tongue which caused him the most shame and conviction.[15] As the young prophet grieved over his iniquity and wallowed in hopeless despair, God did what only God can do: he sent his seraphim to graciously touch Isaiah’s lips with a hot coal from the holy altar and make them clean. “Here, this has touched thy lips,” said the seraphim, “your iniquities are forgiven, and your sin purged.”[16] Now Isaiah was able to say, “Here am I, send me.”

There is always a direct connection between the cleanness of our lips and our usefulness to God.

(6) Know that a disciplined tongue leads to the love of life and hope of good days ahead: “He who would love life and see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit.”[17]

An uncontrolled tongue will be like a wild, unbridled horse, breaking down fences, destroying property, and trampling fruit. The rudderless ship, driven by the wind, will endanger everyone in its path and be driven against the rocks. And the flaming tongue will light a fire that sweeps across the landscape of the church and destroy years of planting, cultivation, and growth.

Most of the damage done in the kingdom of God has been done by people who have failed to keep a guard posted at the door of their lips. But if we would love life to the fullest and enjoy all the good and productive days God has planned for us, let’s determine to watch the front gate with all vigilance! Set a guard in the morning, awaken him at noon, and check on him at night! Determine that by the grace of God, your lips will never be unguarded.

Good days are ahead for the one who guards this front gate of his life. There will be good days ahead for himself because by his words he has established honor and earned respect. There will be good days ahead for his family because he has spoken words which build and strengthen family relationships. There will be good days ahead in his church because he has spoken words which encourage and edify the body of Christ. And the end result of his investment will be the love of life ‒ the true, pure enjoyment of God’s gifts.

A Personal Journey

Truly, the tongue is the rudder of our lives, steering us toward one destination or another. To be honest, any misery or pain I endured early on in my marriage and ministry usually walked through the unguarded gate of my unsanctified tongue (see Psalm 141:3). I’ll never forget the time, as a young missionary, that I began to realize the connection between my words and my heart. Through a very dramatic, painful experience with a dear friend, where I offended him deeply with words, the Lord opened my eyes to see my need for the gentle, kind heart of Jesus. I wept and confessed before the Lord as he caused certain scenes to pass before my mind where I had judged, hurt, manipulated, and shown disregard for the feelings, freedoms, and opinions of others. As the Lord graciously cleansed my heart that day and flooded my soul with indescribable joy, I knew that a milestone had been reached in my spiritual journey. I knew that I had turned a corner, and I never wanted to turn back.

► Read Galatians 6:6-8. Now, think of your words as little seeds being planted in the hearts of people around you. If every word is a seed which will bear either good fruit or bad fruit, what kind of harvest do you expect in the future? Take a few minutes and ask the Lord to help you evaluate your words. Write down what he shows you. Feel free to talk about your answers with your group.

[1] Matthew 15:18, emphasis added.

[2] John Wesley

[3] Albert Barnes commentary on James 3

[4] Proverbs 14:23

[5] James 3:5

[6] Proverbs 16:32

[7] Proverbs 17:28

[8] Proverbs 17:1; 1 Thessalonians 4:11; 1 Timothy 2:2; 1 Peter 3:4

[9] 1 Samuel 25:23-33

[10] Proverbs 12:18; 15:1, 4

[11] Proverbs 18:21

[12] Luke 3:22

[13] Hebrews 10:25

[14] James 3:7-8, emphasis added.

[15] Isaiah 6:5

[16] Isaiah 6:7

[17] 1 Peter 3:10; Proverbs 21:23

We can measure our maturity, our likeness to Jesus, not only by our words, but by our thoughts, as well. We are what we think, or what we dwell on![1] Not every thought which passes through our minds is who we are; but every thought we choose to dwell on, every thought we allow to control us. As Martin Luther said, “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.”

The Influence of Our Thought Life in Everyday Life and Relationships

I well remember the day as a young missionary when the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “Son, you’re an angry man.” I was dealing with some frustrations with the culture, as well as problems in the ministry, and found myself teaching and leading from irritation rather than love. One morning in my devotional time, I read those convicting words, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” With these words the Holy Spirit pierced my heart. But I argued, “Lord, I’m not an angry man; I’m a missionary!” I think I heard the Lord say in return, “Well then, my son, you are an angry missionary!” I laughed out loud! He would not let me hide behind any title or position. Confession brought cleansing and freedom.

Are you tempted to harbor angry, resentful thoughts toward another person? Are you plagued by anxiety and fear? Do you wrestle at times with secret self-destructive thoughts? Are lustful thoughts causing you defeat? There is hope, but it won’t be easy! Over two hundred years ago John Wesley taught, “The soul and body make a man; but the Spirit and discipline make a Christian.” Victory over lustful, negative, self-destructive thoughts will happen by grace, through the means of personal discipline. You can change the way you think.

A victorious thought life is important because as we think we become. “If we think positive, uplifting, wholesome, healthy thoughts, we will eventually become positive, uplifting, wholesome, healthy people. If we think gloomy, negative, sickly thoughts, we will turn out to be gloomy, negative, sickly people.... Thoughts lead to actions.”[2]

When it comes to our thought life, one of the greatest battles many men face is the battle with lust. “Lust is purposefully dwelling on sinful, sensual thoughts. These are the wild horses of our minds that must be tracked down, captured, and made obedient to Christ.”[3] They are not innocent, but addictive and destructive.[4] How do we capture them?

Practical Disciplines for a Pure Thought Life

(These principles can help us gain victory over untrue, negative, critical, and self-destructive thoughts as well.)

(1) Be alert: “Keep a close watch on yourself.”[5]

Know when temptation is strongest; know when you are most vulnerable to temptation and build safeguards in your life. When I was a young pastor, I remember reading Lectures to My Students, by Charles Spurgeon. In one of the chapters, “Fainting Fits,” he teaches spiritual leaders to beware of temptations which follow times of ministry success, weariness, or conflict. This has been solid advice for me. Some recovery programs use the acronym H.A.L.T.[6] to help recovering people stay alert to temptation.

H – Hungry
A – Angry
L – Lonely
T – Tired

We are most vulnerable when we are hungry for affection or hungry for food; when we feel we’ve been unjustly treated; when we feel isolated and alone; and when we are mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. Satan loves to take advantage of us in our most vulnerable moments. HALT! Pause. Set up a guard. Draw near to God, and beware of Satan’s tactics. “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”[7]

(2) Learn to reject lies and replace them with the truth: “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce (say “No” to) ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.”[8]

Grace teaches us self-control. No Christian can say, “I just have no control over my thoughts.” God’s saving grace at work within our hearts, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, enables every Christian to renounce “ungodliness and worldly passions.” The Holy Spirit within you is the Spirit of self-control.[9] By the grace of God, we do not have to give in. Believe this. Count on this moment by moment. Practice stopping intrusive thoughts and replacing them with true thoughts.[10]

Know what arouses fleshly thoughts. Know what causes you trouble. Cut it out of your life. Put it to death! If this sounds too radical, then don’t just take it from me; take it from Jesus. In the context of lustful thoughts, he said: “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”[11]

Are you this earnest about holiness? Are you willing to make painful, uncomfortable sacrifices in order to guard your mind and your affection for God? Long time Bible college president, Dr. Michael Avery, tells the story of a young man who came to his office to make a confession. He had been visiting pornographic websites, but said he was so sorry and wanted President Avery to forgive him and to hold him accountable to purity. He seemed very sincere, very broken. A few weeks later the same young man came again with the same confession; and a few weeks later, yet again. Finally, President Avery looked the young man in the eyes and tested him. “I think you want purity, but I’m not sure. Would you be willing to make a commitment today that if your computer causes you to sin again, you will either give it away, sell it, or break it in pieces with a hammer?” The young man said there was no way he would do that. That would be too much of a sacrifice. He said he needed the computer for school. “Then you aren’t yet truly serious about purity!” President Avery replied.

Those who are not willing to build safeguards and to deprive themselves of certain comforts and conveniences in their pursuit of spiritual joy do not really want purity. Job testified, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?” This is a testimony of decisiveness which leads to victory.

(3) Flee lust and pursue real joy: “Flee also youthful lusts.”[12]

Lust is like a hungry lion. Don’t let it get its clawed foot in the door of your mind. Once you have opened the door of your mind, the lion (lust) will devour until its appetite has been momentarily satisfied; and he will never leave on his own. Paul is telling Timothy that if he really wants to be holy, he must run from the jaws of lust. He must not rationalize, justify, or even consider gratifying himself with what God has forbidden.

If you want to be holy, don’t watch programs, read books, or visit internet sites that cause temptation. Flee from places and people you know will appeal to your flesh. Don’t open the door to temptation no matter how curious you are about what’s on the other side. If you want to be victorious, you must do as Joseph did and flee the tempter’s appeal. Make it a habit!

(4) Pursue joy in God: “But pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”[13]

The best way I have found to lose my taste for things that are out of bounds for me is to savor the far surpassing joys and delights of heavenly, eternal things. One moment in the presence of God makes sinful pleasures seem dull by comparison. Fleeing lust without pursuing righteousness will never keep lust away. Victorious men and women are those who are in hot pursuit of righteousness ‒ filling their hearts and minds with things which will strengthen their walk with God and increase their enjoyment of God! They enjoy fellowship with God, cultivate healthy intimacy, read good books, develop and use their God-given talents, and build God’s kingdom. They don’t allow their minds to become idle. They know that an idle mind is the devil’s playground!

(5) Take every thought captive to the Word of God: “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”[14]

The key to victory is to make every thought a slave of the Word of God. In other words, examine every thought against the truth of scripture. Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker have written a series of books to help men overcome sexual temptations. One of the practical things they teach men is to learn the discipline of “bouncing the eyes.” In other words, practice the discipline of looking away quickly from “forbidden fruit.”[15] This can be powerful, life-changing discipline. But they also say that the discipline of eye bouncing will not be complete without the training of the mind to constantly affirming biblical truth:

• “I have no rights of my own.”
• “I have been bought with a price.”
• “I am a love-slave of God.”

Fred Stoeker writes,

"To get out of prison completely, you can’t stop with just bouncing your eyes... you must take one more step through the second door, which is to be transformed by the Word of God to think like Jesus….

"How did Jesus think? Like a servant without rights. He loved righteousness and hated wickedness (see Hebrews 1:9) for his Father’s sake; and he chose to give up his rights to become a servant that might buy us for his Father at a price.

"And now that we have been bought at a price, we must think like Jesus. We are no longer our own, and we have no rights of our own outside of him.... 'Flee from sexual immorality.... You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body' (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

"During my battle for sexual purity, I (Fred) distilled this verse down to the core kernel, which eventually transformed my mind totally:

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO LOOK AT THAT OR THINK ABOUT IT; YOU HAVEN’T THE AUTHORITY.

"When your mind is truly transformed to think like this, you will experience what we call the death of temptation."[16]

If you want a pure thought life, capture every untamed thought about God, sin, yourself, and other people which is not obedient to the Word of God. Meditate on the Word day and night.[17] Let it teach you who you are in Christ, and to whom you belong. The more saturated you become with Scripture, the more you will think rightly about sexuality. Perhaps you’ve suffered abuse. Perhaps even as a Christian man you struggle with same sex attraction, which is not unusual in today’s world. Saturate yourself in the Word of God and take every thought captive.

Men, practice thinking about others, not as objects to be used for fantasy or self-gratification, but as persons made in the image of God, as loved and cared for by God, as so valued by God that he sent his only Son to die for them. By the Holy Spirit, train yourself to think of men and women as persons of eternal worth who deserve dignity and respect. Paul taught Timothy to treat “younger women as sisters, with all purity.”[18] Train yourself to think this way, by the grace of God, and you will experience transformation.

(6) Practice confession and become accountable: “Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”[19]

If you are struggling in your thought life, I can testify that there is healing power in the humble act of confession. As we taught in the lesson on brokenness, pride is the greatest hindrance to grace. But God responds to the broken and contrite heart. This is my story.

Almost twenty years ago, when our son Jesse (4 years old then) was suffering with cancer (of the eyes), I decided to go on a seven day fast. My wife, Becky, and I were concerned that perhaps our unbelief was preventing God from healing our little boy. Some well-meaning Christian friends had implied this. Our hearts were hurting. We were so troubled. We knew that the only answer was God and his Word. We would seek him. We would seek his will until our hearts found rest. During this fast, the Lord met with me (Becky, too) in a wonderful way. He assured me of his care for Jesse and for our family. And, he gave us complete rest in his will.

But during this fast, God set me free in another way I did not expect. On the sixth evening as I was reading a Bible story to my children, the Holy Spirit spoke as clearly to my heart as I’ve ever heard. His voice came as a powerful and completely unexpected thought ‒ not just a thought, but an invitation to freedom: If you will confess... which has plagued you from time to time throughout your Christian life, I will set you free. I knew instantly who I needed to confess to. I was stunned and, for a moment, frightened. I can’t talk about that, I thought. That’s humiliating! But the next moment, I found my heart saying yes! This voice had come with such love, and I wanted to be free.

The next day I sat down with my trusted friend and simply confessed everything I had hidden deep inside where no one but me and God could see it. I hadn’t been living in sin; but because I had never opened up my heart and brought my failure into the open, it had not completely lost its grip on me. From time to time I would fall. The moment of confession was the moment the process of healing and freedom began for me. From this moment, confession and accountability became a habit which the Lord has used to continue his process of transformation in me. One thing I have learned is that temptation loses its grip when it is continually brought into the open.

If you struggle in your thought life, if you struggle with lustful thoughts or any other form of impurity, I challenge you to find a Spirit-filled friend or mentor; share your need; and let them pray for you. And make yourself regularly accountable. There is power in the practice of confession and accountability. But don’t forget the other admonitions, as well. You will still have to be watchful, still have to flee, still have to say “No!” still have to pursue righteousness, and still have to take captive every thought.

► Ask two or three people in your group to talk about which practical disciplines for a pure thought life impacted them most. Why?

One final reminder from Keith Drury:

"You’ll never completely beat [lust] through striving, though strive you must. You’ll never defeat this clinging habit through hard work, though work you must. Only Jesus can bind this evil spirit of the mind. It is only the Son of God who can drive these thieves from the temple of your heart. God can deliver you. And he will if you let him."[20]

[1] Proverbs 23:7

[2] Keith Drury, Soul Shaper (Indianapolis: Wesleyan Publishing House, 2013), 167-168

[3] Ibid, 165

[4] Ibid, 164-165

[5] 1 Timothy 4:18, English Standard Version

[6] “HALT: The Dangers of Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.”  Accessed at https://bradfordhealth.com/halt-hunger-anger-loneliness-tiredness/ September 12, 2020.

[7] 1 Peter 5:8

[8] Titus 2:11-12, English Standard Version

[9] Galatians 5:23

[10] Philippians 4:8

[11] Matthew 5:28-29

[12] 1 Peter 2:11

[13] 2 Timothy 2:22

[14] 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, English Standard Version

[15] Genesis 2:17

[16] Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Challenge (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 2004), 53-54

[17] Psalm 1:2

[18] 1 Timothy 5:2

[19] James 5:17

[20] Keith Drury, Soul Shaper (Indianapolis: Wesleyan Publishing House, 2013), 173

(1) Take a test based on the material from this lesson.

(2) Spend at least thirty minutes this week reviewing this lesson, including the Scripture references, asking the Holy Spirit for insight.

(3) Record in your journal any specific changes that ought to be made in your life, as the Lord reveals them to you.

(4) Meditate on at least one Psalm in your daily devotional time and record in your journal what the psalmist says about the nature and character of God.

(5) Record in your journal a personal prayer for spiritual transformation and growth based on this lesson.

(6) Practice using Dr. Brown’s Daily Prayer Guide in your daily private prayer.

(1) What is the definition of personal discipline given in this lesson?

(2) What are two reasons personal discipline is important for the Christian?

(3) What are the two personal disciplines referred to in Lesson 11?

(4) Who is the “perfect man” according to James?

(5) Give three practical tips for controlling the tongue, with references.

(6) Name four practical suggestions for a pure thought life.