Lesson 8: Human Relations

By the end of this lesson, the student should:

(1) Learn lessons from positive and negative examples of human relations in the Bible.

(2) Recognize practical principles for human relations.

(3) Recognize dangers to avoid in human relations.

(4) Appreciate the importance of human relations for ministers and church leaders.

Human relations or public relations is important in doing any kind of project. Many people ruin their reputations and seriously hinder ministries because of poor human relations. Even good people with good motives have failed in important ministry opportunities because of their poor human relations skills.

Human relations is the art of working with other people to accomplish a task. Good human relations makes others feel good and gains their willing cooperation in projects.

Human relations is an important part of the job of a pastor or Christian leader. As you build good relationships in the community, you open doors for the gospel. As you build good relationships in the church and with other believers, you gain support for ministry projects. An important part of communications is the ability to communicate in a way that wins the willing cooperation of other people. This furthers the work of God.

Proverbs shows the importance of positive human relations. “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold” (Proverbs 22:1).

What is a good name? It is a reputation for doing right. It is the way people perceive or see you. You may treat everyone fairly, but if someone perceives that you are being unfair, you will be judged as unfair. We sometimes say, “Perception is reality.” What people believe about you is important; it affects their willingness to cooperate with you. This is human relations: working on perceptions. To have a good name is to be perceived as being fair and good.

Rehoboam: An Example of Bad Human Relations

The story of Rehoboam illustrates the importance of good human relations. After Solomon’s death, Rehoboam was made king.

► Read this story in 1 Kings 12:1-20.

Rehoboam had everything he needed to begin his rule. He had the position as king. He apparently had the blessing of his father, Solomon. Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel pledged cooperation if Rehoboam would simply be a little gentler with the people. The whole future of his kingdom depended upon his human relations skills.

In a tragic decision, Rehoboam rejected the wise advice of the older men and listened to the advice of his inexperienced young friends. As a result of Rehoboam’s decision, the nation was divided, and Israel would never again be one kingdom. Israel’s entire history suffered the results of Rehoboam’s foolish decision.

What were some of Rehoboam’s human relations mistakes?

• He ignored the good advice of wise men.

• He ignored the feelings and emotions of other people.

• He ignored the impact of his actions on other people.

Christian leaders must realize one cannot successfully complete a project without the help of other people. One cannot work with other people without having good human relations. Rehoboam shows a negative example of human relations. There are also positive examples from the Bible that we will consider.

Paul: An Example of Good Human Relations

► Read 1 Corinthians 9:15-23. Make a list of principles related to human relations.

Paul knew that it is important to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Paul’s letter to the Corinthian believers shows principles of good human relations.

Paul surrendered his personal rights.

A person who is good at human relations is willing to surrender his own personal rights. Paul says that he gave up his rights in order to serve the needs of the Corinthians.

On one occasion while fleeing from enemies, David said that he would love the taste of water from the well near his home in Bethlehem. He probably never imagined that anyone would act on his comment, but three of his best warriors slipped through the enemy lines to get that water. When the water was given to David, he poured it out on the ground (2 Samuel 23:14-17). He said that his desire was not important enough to risk the lives of others. That was a human relations act. Many kings have made others suffer or die for their desires, but David yielded up his right to be treated differently than ordinary people. It was because of this spirit that David was so highly respected by his people.

During an evangelistic crusade in Jos, Nigeria, there was an example of this kind of human relations. During the first service, it began to rain heavily. Most of the people were standing in the rain. The choir and all the so-called “important people” were on the platform. It was not time to preach; no one would have felt bad if the preacher and his helpers had walked off the platform and sought shelter from the rain. Instead, the evangelist and his entire team stayed on the platform and continued to worship the Lord in spite of the rain. This gave him a real advantage when he later preached to the congregation. By giving up his comfort, he earned the right to be heard.

Romans 14 provides an interesting study of human relations.

► Read Romans 14.

To understand this chapter, one has to understand what Paul means by the “strong” and the “weak.” The strong people referred to in this chapter are those who have a strong conscience. Their spiritual maturity and understanding of God’s Word have shown them that some issues are matters of personal preference, not biblical conviction. The weak people are those who have a weak conscience. They have not yet matured in their understanding of God’s Word. It is easy for their consciences to be offended.

Many Jews had a weak conscience; they were afraid of breaking traditions. The Gentiles, on the other hand, did not have these traditions. They could do things which the Jews could not do; they could eat certain foods which the Jews could not. It is important to remember in this passage that “weak” and “strong” do not describe the level of one’s commitment. These terms have only to do with the sensitivity of one’s conscience.

When we read Romans 14, we see that Paul was very concerned about offending others. He urged Christian believers to be very careful about their actions. The chapter is an excellent description of the principles of good human relations. Good human relations requires:

• Putting others first.

• Focusing on perceptions.

• Giving up your own personal rights.

• Being sensitive to the feelings of others.

• Not allowing minor things to create problems.

Paul yielded his personal preferences.

Paul’s young assistant Timothy had a Jewish mother, but had never been circumcised. Paul knew that circumcision is no longer necessary for God’s people. Paul had written a strong letter about circumcision (Galatians) and had participated in the Jerusalem Council which said that circumcision was not necessary for Christians.

However, Paul encouraged Timothy to be circumcised. Why? To make Timothy more effective in ministry. Paul knew that Timothy would be visiting synagogues and ministering to Jewish audiences. To avoid questions about an uncircumcised person going into a synagogue, it was better to have Timothy circumcised (Acts 16:3).

On another occasion Paul agreed to participate in Jewish purification sacrifices (Acts 21:18-26). Did he believe it was necessary to do this to please God? No, but he was willing to do this to win Jewish brothers for the work of God. He wanted them on his side so they could work together to build God’s kingdom. Paul was willing to yield his personal preferences in order to promote the work of God.

On the other hand, Paul refused to compromise on matters of principle. When Gentile converts in Galatia were pressured to return to the practice of circumcision, Paul was firm in his commitment to the principle of justification by faith alone (Galatians 1-2, 5). In the same way, he refused to press a Gentile pastor, Titus, to be circumcised (Galatians 2:1-5). If there were a matter of principle involved, Paul would not compromise.

Paul used compliments.

Notice the way Paul begins his letters. After the greetings, he normally compliments his readers.[1] When he had to reprimand people in a church, he usually said something positive in advance so the people knew that he was not against them. This is good human relations. Be free with compliments. When dealing with other people, you should always strive to be positive. Be a person who builds others up, not a person who tears others down.

Paul identified with people.

Paul knew how to address people courteously and in a culturally sensitive manner. When he spoke before Felix, Paul said:

Knowing that for many years you have been a judge over this nation, I cheerfully make my defense (Acts 24:10).

When Paul spoke to Agrippa, he said:

I consider myself fortunate that it is before you, King Agrippa, I am going to make my defense today against all the accusations of the Jews, especially because you are familiar with all the customs and controversies of the Jews. Therefore I beg you to listen to me patiently (Acts 26:2-3).

Paul was respectful of the position of these authorities and treated them with courtesy. Some Christians have forgotten the importance of courtesy. A person who was less courteous might have said to Felix, “I know that you are a judge over this nation, but I answer only to God. Your opinion doesn’t matter!” If Paul had given this response, he would have lost the opportunity to share the gospel with this government official. As a result of Paul’s courtesy, he was able to speak to Felix about faith in Christ Jesus for a period of two years (Acts 24:24-27).

Paul studied the places where he would minister and found ways to identify with the people. When preaching in Athens, Paul quoted from one of the pagan writers popular among the Greeks (Acts 17:28). He was sensitive to his audience.

Sometimes, human relations problems are caused by good people who view things only from their own point of view. They fail to understand how their actions are perceived by others. Rather than achieving a good goal, it creates the opposite response. The value of good human relations requires us to identify with other people and to consider their point of view.

Cultivating good human relations is one of the most important things about a project. Many times, the problems we face in our projects are because of poor human relations. Here are some guidelines for good human relations.

(1) Start at the top.

Start by speaking to the people at the top of an organization and work your way down. This is much easier than starting at the bottom and working your way up to the person who has to make the decision. Information goes down the chain of command much better than it goes up.

Africa is an authoritarian society. Great respect is given to the person in authority. People under authority can seldom do anything without the approval of the person at the top. People are even afraid of being innovative and suggesting ideas to this person. To avoid trouble, it is good to go directly to him. Once you have gained permission from the one in authority, you will have less trouble working with the subordinates. If you are able to secure the favor of the person at the top, you have gone a long way in solving problems. The rest of the people in the department will work hard to do your project.

The best thing you can do for human relations purposes is to not only secure permission of the person at the top but to secure their participation. Attempt to get this person to become a co-sponsor of your project.

Dr. Danny McCain (the author of this course) and a team of others have worked with 14 Nigerian states to create a Professional Certificate in Christian Education. They do not only ask for the approval of state ministries of education. They also ask them to become co-sponsors of the projects. Then, when advertising the program, it is not only an International Institute of Christian Studies program; it is a Plateau State government project. This is an enormous boost to their human relations efforts.

(2) Ride the wagon in the direction it is going.

The best way to get something done is to find a person who is already concerned about a certain problem, or interested in a certain project. You then find a way to help them solve the problem or develop the project. It is easier to sell a computer to someone who is already looking for a computer than to sell to someone who does not know he needs a computer. If you are working to help fulfill someone’s objectives, your project becomes their project. The more a project belongs to someone else, the better the cooperation.

AIDS is one of the biggest problems facing Africa. A team has created a project that will help the Nigerian government fulfill its objective of fighting AIDS. However, the team is doing so using the Bible. They have found a way to help the government fight AIDS while sharing the message of the Bible at the same time.

(3) Take everyone with you.

There are always many people involved in a successful project. You must make all of the participants feel a part of the project. This is a very important principle. To get the maximum amount of support for any project, you must have the maximum number of people involved.

An organization from the U.S. came to Nigeria to hold an evangelistic outreach. They were good people and accomplished some good work. However, they did not achieve their full potential. Some parts of their human relations work were ineffective. For example:

• They had no local person on the platform except the translator. By having local Christian leaders on the platform, they would have received the blessing and respect of the local churches.

• They did not cooperate with the local churches. If they had cooperated, the local people would have participated.

• They came and did most of the work on their own. They funded the whole project. This made it look like their project, instead of the locals’. Because of this, they failed to get local people to commit to the ministry.

(4) Acknowledge other people.

It is important to acknowledge the expertise of others, even if it is barely above your own. Doing this demonstrates humility, and humility is good for human relations. As we have noted above, Paul freely complimented the Thessalonians and other readers of his letters. He always looked for something for which he could honestly compliment them.

We need to be sensitive to people at all levels. Find ways to compliment drivers on the way they drive. When you have your vehicle worked on, compliment the mechanic. Greet secretaries who are sitting in front of computers and find a way to compliment them on their computer skills. The more you make people feel good about their skills, the better your relationship with them will be.

In a partnership, focus attention on the other person. Make the other person feel valuable. Help the person to realize that his contribution is an important part of the project. Make the other person feel responsible. If he does not feel responsible, he will not do much. When working with another person or organization, put the name of that person or organization in a prominent place. This helps get the job accomplished.

Remember that it is the work that is important, not the credit. If the work gets done, and someone else gets the credit, that is fine. The important thing is that the work gets done.

(5) Produce professionally written materials.

Although busy people do not like to read long reports, they like to see details. A detailed proposal with many sub-points makes someone look professional. The more professional you appear, the more others will support you and the greater the likelihood of your success.

When you produce a document that is filled with details, it shows that you know what you are doing. If you are trying to get someone to give you permission to do a project, you want to create a good impression. One of the ways you create a good impression is to produce quality documents. The more professional you can make your material, the more seriously people will take you.

The Federal Ministry of Education in Nigeria lost some documents that Dr. Danny McCain had given them. They asked him to provide them with replacement copies. Dr. McCain put together a record of all their correspondence. He photocopied this in a very nice way and bound it all together with spiral binding. They were impressed with the professionalism of his presentation. This created more opportunities for him to work with them for the kingdom of God.

(6) Recognize that good relationships are as important as good ideas.

Projects require us to work with other people. Without good relationships, the best projects will collapse. Not only do you have to work on your proposals, you also have to work on the presentation of that proposal and the way that you interact with other people. Many salespeople get a contract not because they had the best product, but because they had the best personality. For the sake of the kingdom of God, work to build strong relationships with other people.

In a positive sense, we must know what other people are interested in. Be interested in their interests. In a negative sense, we must learn which words and phrases and actions have negative connotations. We must learn to hear what we say through the ears of the other person. This is why Paul asked Timothy to be circumcised; if Timothy was not circumcised, it would limit their ministry in the synagogues.

There is a man in Abuja who is excellent at human relations. He always says just the right thing to make the other person relax and feel good about his or her job.

On one occasion, he walked into the office of the Honorable Minister of Education, and he said to the secretary, “There are probably three reasons why I cannot see the Honorable Minister of Education today. But you know his schedule well. Can you give me some way that will allow me to see him?” It was not what he said that was important. Most important was the time he took to pay attention to the secretary and recognize her power to get him to the Minister of Education. He took time to recognize her value. Acknowledging another’s value builds relationships.

(7) Be willing to learn.

A willingness to learn is a great way to gain respect. Human nature always admires a person who is willing to learn. To admit that you are a learner and not an expert is good human relations.

(8) Be sincere.

When Paul wrote to Philemon on behalf of Onesimus, he began with compliments.

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you (Philemon 1:4-7).

After his compliments, Paul made his request: “I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment” (Philemon 1:10). The compliments were sincere. Philemon truly had been a blessing to Paul and other saints. False compliments will fall flat. Be sincere in your relationships with other people.

Mistakes to Avoid

Most of the things in this lesson are written from a positive perspective. However, there are things we should try to avoid. These things will damage our human relations.

(1) Do not be self-centered.

This is a very basic Christian idea. If we are only interested in ourselves, this will become obvious to other people. It will ultimately hurt our project. There was a hard-working man who accomplished much good. However, he had a bad reputation for his relationships with others. It seemed like he would work with a person as long as that person could help him do his work. When the person was no longer useful, he discontinued his relationship with that person and found someone else who would help him.

We must work hard to avoid having a similar reputation. We must not give people reason to believe that we are self-centered in our relationships.

When speaking, avoid using “I” and “me” too much. There are times when you are telling stories that you can use the first-person pronoun effectively. However, remember that you are part of a team. “We” usually sounds better than “I.”

(2) Do not harm other ministries.

Sometimes we are so focused on our own ministry that we ignore the ministries of other people. One of the first laws of medicine is “do no harm.” That should be one of the first laws of ministry as well. We should avoid doing any harm.

(3) Do not ignore proper protocol.

Protocol is very important in many countries. It is better to be too careful than too careless. Americans do not emphasize protocol, and they have a difficult time following proper protocol in other countries. However, you must respect positions of status if you are going to build relationships.

(4) Do not rush.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in arranging projects is that we fail to take time to gain the cooperation of other people. It is good human relations to take your time – to make sure everyone is committed and lay a good foundation for what you are doing. If you push things through too quickly, it is likely you will offend people. Take your time when arranging projects.

(5) Do not compromise principle.

As is true with all things, there must be balance in human relations. To go too far with human relations can lead to compromise of principle. There is no sin in compromise when you are not compromising on principle. However, we must guard against compromising principles. As we saw above, Paul would not compromise biblical principles for the sake of human relations.

Good human relations is an important aspect of good communication. Without good human relations all our other communication will be hindered.

You might feel that this topic isn’t important for you. Perhaps you think, “I pastor a small church. I don’t need to communicate with government officials. Why do I need to study human relations?” However, every Christian leader has a need for human relations. Whether your church is large or small, you represent your church (and the kingdom of God) in your community. Look for opportunities to use your presence in the community to represent the gospel. Look for opportunities to cooperate with other ministries and organizations to serve the kingdom of God.

► Do you seek opportunities to minister in your community? Are you available for public functions at which you can represent the church and the kingdom of God?

(1) At the beginning of the next lesson, you will take a test based on this lesson. Study the test questions carefully in preparation.

(2) From a newspaper, magazine, or online news source, find two articles to share with your class.

• An article in which a leader demonstrated good human relations. Notice what he or she did well in relating to the public.

• An article in which a leader demonstrated poor human relations. What were the results of his or her failure? How could the leader have handled the situation more effectively? What lesson can you learn from this situation?

(1) What is human relations?

(2) List three of Rehoboam’s human relations mistakes.

(3) List the five principles for good human relations found in Romans 14.

(4) For what reason was Paul willing to yield his personal preferences?

(5) List four of the eight practical suggestions for human relations given in this lesson.

(6) List five human relations mistakes to avoid.