Lesson 9: Connection and Engagement

The coaches of sports teams understand that talent is not enough. The team members must also be motivated to do their best. Inspiring the team to give their best effort is an important part of a coach’s job. The crowd of spectators cheers the team because encouragement helps the players do better. If a team member simply learned the skills and did his job to be paid, that would not be enough to achieve victory.

This principle applies not only to sports, but to every organization. The success of an organization depends on the commitment of the people involved. True commitment means that they dedicate their abilities and minds to make the organization succeed.

Commitment put into action is engagement. A person who is engaged is connected, involved, and committed.

David worked for a business that sold lumber from a large yard. His job was to help customers load their trucks. He noticed a stack of boards in the yard that had fallen over. After helping a customer, he went and stacked the boards neatly, even though the boss had not told him to do it.

► Why did David do this?

Michael played basketball for a professional team. During a game he started to make a shot at the basket but was not in a good position. He quickly threw the ball to another player who was in a better position to score.

► Why did Michael not try to score himself?

Peter worked at a gas station, putting gas into cars for customers. When there were many customers, Peter literally ran to the next customer to save time.

► Why did Peter run?

On Sunday, James noticed that the roof of the church had been damaged by a falling tree. On Monday, James bought materials and came with his tools to fix the roof. James did not own the church building and did not get paid to do this work.

► Why did James fix the roof?

Elizabeth worked in a grocery store as a cashier. One afternoon as she was going to take her break, she saw that some cooking oil had been spilled on the floor. Instead of taking her break, she cleaned up the spilled oil.

► Why did Elizabeth give up her break to clean up the spill?

Benjamin was a church deacon and Sunday school teacher. One Sunday morning he arrived at the church early and found that the toilet had not been cleaned. He cleaned the toilet before the rest of the congregation arrived.

► Why did Benjamin clean the toilet?

If the owner of a business is the only person who cares about its success, the business will not do well. If the pastor of the church is the only person who wants the church to succeed, the church will fail. If the coach is the only person who wants the team to win, the team will lose.

For a person to be engaged means that he will do his best, not just what is required. He will use his abilities and his ideas for the organization. He is not limited to a scheduled amount of time and a specific task. Not only his hands, but also his head and heart are involved.

► What do you think the following quotation means?

When the heart, head, hands, and habits are aligned, extraordinary levels of loyalty, trust, and productivity will result.[1]

Sometimes leaders assume that people will work well because they are under authority or because they are being paid. The fact is that people work best when they feel a personal commitment to the organization.

An organization that depends on volunteers can do very little without people who are engaged. People will not commit their time and resources unless they share the goals of the organization.

The people of an organization are not all at the same level of engagement. They may be at many different levels.

The leader appreciates people who are highly engaged and depends on them. The leader may not understand why some people are not engaged, but his job is to raise their engagement level.

A leader should spend a significant amount of time raising the engagement level of his people. That is one of the leader’s most important jobs, and no one else can do it as well as he can. The leader is either increasing people’s engagement or hindering it.

People are not as engaged as they could be. Church members have available money that they do not give. Organization members have time, but they say they are not available to help. Business employees have ideas that they do not share.

Sometimes pastors look for someone outside of the church to help or to support financially. However, they have people in the church who are able to help and do not, and people in the church who are able to give and do not. The problem is a lack of engagement. The people of the church do not feel that the church is their own. Engagement is a demonstration of connection: the people will not engage unless they feel connected/identified with the organization and leader.

Consider the example of a family. Members of a family help each other in many ways without expecting specific rewards for the things they do. Why do they do it? Because they are part of the family; they are connected.

If the people of an organization are not giving and doing what they can, it is because they do not feel connected. If a person feels connected, the organization’s goals are his goals, the organization’s needs are his needs, and the organization’s success is his success.

Leaders sometimes do not recognize a lack of engagement. They think that their people need training, but training is not the solution for someone who is not doing what he could. The problem is that he is not connected.

• Leaders have difficulty recruiting members for responsibilities.
• Members feel uninvolved in decisions.
• Members leave easily when there are problems.
• Members criticize their own organization to outsiders.
• Members are not concerned about the organization’s success.
• In conversations, members distinguish themselves from the organization.

A member who does not feel connected talks about the organization as if it were a distinct entity, separate from its members. He talks about what the organization should do. He uses the term they instead of the term we.

[1]Leaders in an organization that is not well connected separate themselves from the people of the organization. They make it difficult for people to contact them and communicate with them. The leaders keep their work a mystery that the people cannot understand. They do not want to hear suggestions or complaints.

When an organization is like this, the will of the leader is the only recognized reality; all other facts are ignored. People survive by hiding their mistakes. Because they do not feel connected to the leadership, people fear information and truth. When people do not feel secure within the organization, they try to protect themselves and others from changes and from the leadership. They also focus on their personal problems instead of the challenges of the organization. Because they are dealing with personal conflict, they are unable to focus on positive, selfless achievement.

Sometimes the meetings of the organization show that members are not connected. People stay away from meetings if

• They think that the meeting is not important for the operations.
• They don’t think their own participation makes a difference.
• They don’t share the goals of the leaders and don’t want to be involved.

If members are leaving one church and joining other churches, it is often a sign of disconnection. People usually do not leave an organization if they truly feel connected, even if another organization has great methods and programs.

If young people with leadership potential are leaving an organization, it is often because they are not connected. If they desire to increase their responsibility but see there are no opportunities for them to become part of the established administration, they may join other organizations that provide opportunities for service.

During King Solomon’s reign over Israel, a man named Jeroboam rebelled against his authority (1 Kings 11:26). Because of his rebellion, Jeroboam had to flee to Egypt to avoid being killed (1 Kings 11:40). After Solomon died, Jeroboam came back to Israel to see if there was an opportunity for him to take power (1 Kings 12:2). He led a group of representatives from the tribes to talk to the new king, Solomon’s son, Rehoboam (1 Kings 12:3-4).

Before replying to Jeroboam and the representatives, young King Rehoboam asked the advice of the elders who had served his father (1 Kings 12:6). They answered, “If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever” (1 Kings 12:7). They said that he should connect with the people by showing that he cared about their needs. Then, the people would see that the kingdom was for them, and they would be loyal to it. They would share the goals, problems, needs, and work of the kingdom.

Rehoboam did not listen to this advice. He foolishly told the people that he would treat them severely and rule without concern for their well-being. He was assuming that they had no choice but to obey him (1 Kings 12:13-14).

As a result of Rehoboam’s promise, most of the people separated from him. They decided that the kingdom did not belong to them and that they should take care of their own needs (1 Kings 12:16). It is important to realize that organization members who do not feel connected care about their own needs and not the goals of the organization. Even if they do not leave, they work only for their own goals.

Rehoboam thought that his position was enough. He thought that his authority meant that he did not have to ask for engagement. Rehoboam’s response to the separation was to try to use authority. He still did not try to understand the people’s needs. He sent a representative to give orders to the people, but that did not work (1 Kings 12:18).

The people were angry, and 10 tribes decided it would be better to follow Jeroboam (1 Kings 12:20).

Rehoboam planned to send the army to fight against those tribes, but God stopped him (1 Kings 12:21-24). The kingdom was never united again.

In the end, Jeroboam led the people into idolatry so that they would not return to Jerusalem to worship (1 Kings 12:26-29).

In this situation, who was the good leader, and who was the bad one? Both were bad. Rehoboam’s foolishness gave an opportunity to a scheming leader with bad character.

Jeroboam was willing to do anything to get power for himself, including taking people away from the worship of God. Many ministry leaders still use the dissatisfaction of people to build their own influence. They often use dishonesty, encourage gossip and disloyalty, and teach false doctrine.

…Your only real competitive edge is your relationship with your people... The one thing your competition can never steal from you is the relationship you have with your people...[1]

Connections are primarily built through relationships with individual people, not crowds. A leader who wants to build his personal connection with his people should start with the simple principles of friendliness. He should compliment them for their qualities. He should make conversation with them about things not related to the work. He should show interest in their families and personal situations. He should treat them with respect and show that he values them.

The Dale Carnegie Institute taught an evening class for business professionals, teaching them how to be friendly and make connections with people. When the students took the test, they were surprised by one question. The unexpected question was, “What is the name of the woman who is always cleaning in the lobby when you leave class?” The students had passed her many times as they left class to go home, but they did not consider her important enough for attention, even though they were coming from a class about how to be friendly and make connections. They had assumed that they should use their new skills only to make connections with important people. Every Christian should treat people with a friendliness that respects their value, and a leader should especially develop that habit.

Never write anything to anyone, even in a personal letter, if you would not want it to be published or quoted. You do not know who might see it. Remember when speaking to people in conversation that your words might be quoted to others. Don’t say things that you would be embarrassed to explain to other people later.

Some leaders want to impress their people so that people will want to follow them. But, for building connections, it is more important to be impressed by your people, than for you to impress them. There is an old saying: “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Many leaders are weak in their listening skills because they think they already understand the situation, know what needs to be done, and are ready to convince others. People do not engage if their opinions are not valued. By failing to listen and appreciate input, a leader devalues his people, so they don’t give their best.

Sometimes people in an organization have strong feelings. They speak with anger or frustration. A leader might make the mistake of trying to give them directions while they simply feel the need to express their feelings.

Stephen Covey explains:

• Generally, as long as a person is communicating with high emotion, he or she does not yet feel understood.

• A person will usually not ask for your advice until he or she feels understood. To offer advice too early will usually only stir up more emotion—or cause someone to simply ignore what you say.[2]

Next time you are in that situation, try this: instead of trying to change the mind of the emotional person, listen. Show that you understand by affirming their feelings (“You feel frustrated because...”) even if you disagree with their opinions. You will see them start to calm down and, eventually, start to listen to you because they think you understand them. Until they think you understand, they don’t think your opinion matters.

Lead by asking questions—not to manipulate, but to understand and stimulate thinking. If people who could help are not helping, questions will help them engage. If they share your values, you can get them to help you accomplish the goals. Ask,

• “What do you think we could be doing better?”

• “What do you think we should be trying to do?”

• “How could we do a better job at ______?”

If you think a person’s idea is good, he will think you are intelligent. As people help you with ideas, they will also want to help with the work. People don’t want to help if their ideas are not appreciated.

The leader must have a means of welcoming complaints and negative information. People do not communicate unless they feel that it is safe. If they think they will be punished for disagreeing, they will not give their opinions.

The custom of having small meetings before a big meeting builds engagement. Before you have a meeting with everyone in which you will propose a change, talk to individuals and small groups to get their opinions and to explain your plan. Ask them what they think and be sure to listen carefully. Answer their objections so that the objections will not come up in the main meeting. People in the main meeting should not be surprised at the leader’s decisions. They should know what to expect.

Leaders should not usually surprise people with their decisions. If the people of the organization are often surprised by what their leaders do, the leaders are not explaining well their values and how they plan to support the values. Trust in the organization becomes strong if people feel that decisions will not be made suddenly without their understanding. They will share the vision if they get to discuss it and influence it before it is promoted.

The leader should give people access to the same information that motivates him. They cannot share his goals unless they are motivated by the same information.

► Does a church have customers? Does the concept of serving customers apply to ministry?

► A student should read 1 Peter 5:2-4 for the group.

God gives pastors the job of serving the people of the church. We are to discern their needs and care for them like a shepherd cares for his sheep.

As church leaders, we should study principles of serving customers—not from the priority of making a business succeed, but from the priority of meeting the needs of people. Our priority is to fulfill the task God has given us.

Every organization—whether business, ministry, or another kind—exists to meet the needs of people. Therefore, every organization needs a clear vision for service. Some principles work the same way for either a business or a ministry.

The service vision and values should be clear so that everyone in the organization is focused on what is important and will know what behaviors are expected.

Great companies realize that their most important customers are their own people: employees and managers. If leaders take care of their people and encourage them to bring their brains to work, the people will go out of their way to take care of the customers. Customer loyalty is what you get when you create a motivating environment for your people.[1]

Many people accept low-quality service without complaining because they do not expect service to be better. That does not mean that they are satisfied. If a better option comes along, they will quickly switch to it. Therefore, a leader cannot assume that everything is okay just because people are not complaining.

If people are leaving a church or other organization for trivial reasons or even without a reason, there is a lack of satisfaction. The leaders should not wait to hear complaints.

Consistent excellence requires a training program and constant improvement. Consistency is important because if you create high expectations but fail to fulfill the expectations, people are disappointed.

Service begins with ordinary friendliness. To be friendly to someone means to treat him as a person, not just as a business encounter. When you converse with someone about something that is not related to a transaction, he feels that you are interacting with him in a friendly way.

Beyond friendliness, give attention to the needs of people. Try to see a need and help in a unique way beyond routine services.

Obviously, an organization cannot provide everything for everyone, but it should meet certain needs in an exceptional way.

Consider:

• What kind of people do you want to attract?

• What do you want to accomplish?

• What needs should you meet?

A leader should imagine what perfect service would be, then develop and correct his understanding by talking to the people he serves.

► Consider your organization. What kind of people do you want to attract? Whose needs should you meet?

► Think about the kind of people served by your organization. What are they looking for when they come to you? What could you offer beyond their expectations?

► How do you expect to change your goals or actions because of this lesson?

1. People work best when they feel a personal commitment to the organization.

2. A leader should spend time raising the engagement level of his people.

3. If the people of an organization are not giving and doing what they can it is because they do not feel connected.

4. The leader must have a means of welcoming complaints and negative information.

5. Leaders should not usually surprise people with their decisions.

1. Write a paragraph summarizing a life-changing concept from this lesson. Explain why it is important. What good can it do? What harm could result from not knowing it?

2. Explain how you will apply the principles of this lesson to your own life. How does this lesson change your goals? How do you plan to change your actions?

3. Memorize the Five Summary Statements for Lesson 9. Be prepared to write them from memory at the beginning of the next class session.

4. Before the next session, read 1 Corinthians 12.